am i making you feel sick? - minishaw

i just wanted to be yours, can i be yours?

harry's hands flew away from simon's face like they'd been burnt, simon spun around and stepped away from harry. a fan. not just one. a pack of them. all with phones out. simon's heart dropped. he looked to harry. he cleared his throat and looked back at simon. they'd fucked up.

they weren't out to fans, not as dating and not as gay. they were barely even out to their friends. they'd never actually told them, they just started showing up to places together more and more until it became clear that they were a packaged deal now. jj probably still didn't know to be honest. but that was over now. all these phones pointing at them since god knows when. they'd slipped up this once. one time for one minute. and now everything would change. everyone would know.

they took the photos with fans. simon clutched at his own hands behind his back, squeezing them to try and comfort himself. only when someone asked 'are you cold?' did he realise that he was visibly shaking. the small crowd eventually thinned and harry managed to excuse them. they began their walk home (to harry's flat) in silence, a gap between them. harry tried to talk to his boyfriend but simon would shake his head and keep walking. he wouldn't even look at harry.

once they made it to harry's place simon headed straight for the laptop on the sofa. everyone must've known by now. they were probably trending on twitter. the sidemen channel must've been plummeting in subscribers, not that he cared about that channel (he did). his phone notifications were still muted from the café but there were probably messages from everyone he knew telling him not to contact them again. his hands trembled as he opened twitter and typed their names into the search bar.

'simon!' harry called from the hallway, he put the chain on the door and headed to the living room. he dropped his keys on the coffee table and took the laptop from simon's hands. simon's eyes were wide and he reached for the laptop again. 'no!' harry pushed his hands away and slammed the laptop shut. 'no, simon.'

'please!' simon begged, he had to know what people were saying about him - what they were saying about harry. he reached his shaking hands out again. harry's eyes were sad and pitying. harry shook his head and put the laptop down behind him. he turned back to simon to see him curl into himself and pull at his hair.

'come here.' harry sat on the sofa and pulled simon's body towards him. simon let go of his hair and clutched onto harry. all he'd wanted since they got caught was to be back in harry's hold. safe. he repositioned them so he could be as close to his boyfriend as possible. he sat in harry's lap, limbs wrapped around his body and head tucked into his neck and he tried to calm down.

they stayed like that for awhile whilst harry rubbed circles on simon's back. simon eventually began fidgeting, trying to get closer to harry. he held him tighter and pushed his face further into harry's neck.

'trying to get into my skin again?' harry teased and he could feel simon smile.

'i know there's an entrance here somewhere.' he kissed harry's neck and harry laughed. he gave the side of simon's head a kiss and lovingly called him an idiot. simon had forgotten for a second, about what had happened. but it soon rushed back. he pulled away from harry.

'if you won't let me look can you please look?' simon asked. harry was about to say no but simon cut him off before he could speak. 'please, pleasepleaseplease, harry. please.' his hands were clasped together as he begged and harry had no choice but to, reluctantly, agree. he dug his phone out of his pocket and opened twitter. simon stared at the phone until harry covered his eyes with his hand. 'hey!' simon protested, but didn't move away.

'you said i'm looking, remember?' harry kept his hand over simon's eyes and simon waited. time seemed to slow as he waited for harry to tell him what was being said about them. his chest grew tighter by the second. he huffed impatiently. 'there's nothing there.' harry said plainly and took his hand away from simon's eyes.