am i making you feel sick? - minishaw

am i making you feel sick?

simon thought they'd gotten away with it, it'd been over a week since the café. but someone had just been sitting on the video, waiting to drop it. simon felt sick. he wanted harry. he wanted to be held by his boyfriend. his heart thumped away in his chest, too fast and too loud. he wanted harry. he stood up and rushed to the bathroom, emptying his stomach into the toilet once he got there.

he wanted harry, harry would fix it, harry fixed everything. he wanted harry and he wanted to cry, he could feel the pressure at the back of his eyes, but he couldn't cry. his body wouldn't let him. he squeezed his eyes willing tears to come but they didn't. he spat in the toilet and flushed it.

he went back to his room and started reading through the messages from his friends. they all echoed the same sentiment: we love you, we're here for you. everyone got a thumbs up emoji as a reply except for tobi. simon had talked to tobi about his fears of something like this happening before. he knew how bad this would be for simon. he'd tried to call him too. his message to simon told him he could come over if simon needed. simon sent a message thanking him and told him harry was on his way. tobi replied almost instantly reminding simon he was there if he wanted to talk.

the front door unlocked just as simon started digging into a thread of reddit comments. he was on his bed with the duvet wrapped around himself when harry found him. harry sighed at the sight and dropped his bag in the doorway.

'i love you so much.' harry whispered once he reached the bed, wrapping his arms around simon and squeezing him. simon said it back but was muffled by harry's chest. harry pulled back, plucked simon's phone out of his hand and pocketed it. 'that's not gonna help.'

'make it go away.' simon mumbled. harry smiled sadly and grabbed simon's face to rest their foreheads together, his thumb stroked simon's cheek.

'i'm trying, simon. i promise.' he kissed simon softly and wrapped his arms around him again.

'i know.' simon replied. and he did know, but he also knew that this wasn't something they could just put a stop to. he tucked his face into harry's neck. 'i'm sorry.'

'what are you sorry for?' harry held him tighter. 'you didn't do anything wrong.' simon needed to hear that. harry telling him he'd done nothing wrong made him realise that he really hadn't done anything wrong.

'how are you here?' simon asked, still wondering how harry had got back from guernsey so fast.

'saw it a few hours ago.' harry started rubbing circles on simon's back. 'i couldn't leave you on your own.' that didn't really explain how he was here, but simon left it. he was happy harry was here. he wasn't sure how he would've reacted if he found this out from someone other than him.

there was nothing to be done. the video was out there and people were saying what they liked. harry wouldn't let simon go on his phone and stayed off of his own phone in solidarity.

'can we just go to bed?' simon was exhausted. he didn't want to deal with any of this, he just wanted to go to sleep in his boyfriends arms. harry nodded and simon flopped down on the bed.

'no.' harry said as he tried to push him over the bed. 'other side.' harry had let up on making simon sleep away from the door back when simon got paranoid about the windows, but obviously he was back to it.

'i don't want to sleep on the window side.' simon whined and wrapped himself around harry's middle so he couldn't push him further. harry stilled and looked between the door and the windows, simon could see him calculating a solution. harry patted simon's head.

'up.' he said and helped pull simon off the bed. simon groaned but did what harry wanted. he moved simon to stand by the wall and started moving the bedside table.