the way of the eclipse

the past never stays dead

When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by white—just white. The cold was piercing, like a breeze on a hot summer day. In the distance, I heard laughter, an echo of joy from another time. I turned around, and there it was: a scene I never thought I would see again, something buried deep in my mind, a memory I hadn’t revisited in years.

It was Luna and me as kids, running and playing, our laughter mingling in the air. I must have been five, and Luna was seven. Was this my afterlife, replaying memories, making me think about what I could have done differently? I could feel people touching my body, lifting me, placing me somewhere, yet I was just standing there, watching.

I reached out, wanting to touch the younger version of myself, to hold onto this memory a little longer. But as my fingers grazed the image, it vanished. I heard a sound behind me and turned, bracing myself. The sight nearly broke me. There I was, a little girl sitting on my mom's lap, as she braided my hair, singing a lullaby she always sang to me:

"Hush now, my dear, as I braid your hair,
Soft as the moonlight, gentle as air.
Listen to the tale of a girl so bright,
Who faced the world with all her might.

There once was a girl, beautiful and true,
With eyes like stars and a heart that grew.
She'd stumble and fall, but rise again,
With courage anew and a smile to send.

She wandered through fields, both green and gold,
With dreams so big, and a spirit bold.
No storm could break her, no fear could stay,
For she knew the dawn would bring a new day.

As I weave each strand with love and care,
Remember her story, feel the love we share.
Through every twist and every turn,
Know in your heart, there's much to learn.

When shadows would loom and doubts appear,
She'd stand her ground, show no fear.
For in her heart, she held the light,
Guiding her through the darkest night.

Hush now, my dear, as I braid your hair,
Know you're a treasure, beyond compare.
With every fall, you'll rise and see,
The strength within, just like she.

So close your eyes and drift to dreams,
Where nothing's as hard as it seems.
Remember her tale, and in your heart,
Carry her spirit, we’re never apart.

Through life's winding paths, you'll find your way,
With each new dawn, and every day.
For you are the girl, beautiful and bright,
Who'll rise again, with all your might.

Hush now, my dear, as I braid your hair,
Feel my love, know I'm always there.
Together we'll face each new dawn,
With love so deep, forever drawn."

I would give anything to hear those words from her lips again. I reached out, tears streaming down my face, trying to hold onto her, to keep her with me. "Mother..." I whispered, my voice breaking as she faded away.

Desperation clawed at my chest. I looked around, screaming in frustration. What kind of cruel joke was this? Then, before me, I saw another memory: Yuzu and me, that fateful night, staring at the stars. It felt like yesterday, though it had been three years. I stood there, watching us, emotions welling up inside. How do you say "I love you" to someone when you're not sure they feel the same? I had asked myself this question so many times, never finding an answer. I wiped my tears and fell to my knees, the weight of my memories crushing me.

After a moment, I pulled myself together and stood up. The silence was deafening, but it didn’t last long. I turned again, and there I was, a very young version of myself, just a little girl. "I was looking for you!" she said in that sweet, quiet voice I had long forgotten. I was too stunned to speak, my mouth dry, tears streaming down my face, forming a puddle on the floor.

"I have a question," she said. This wasn’t her asking me; it was the memory itself. I backed away, and there stood Luna, younger, full of promise.

"What is it, Tsu?" Luna asked.

"When we grow up, do you promise we will be together forever, that every day we will be sisters?" little me asked. I felt like I was about to explode. I wanted to tell my past self not to ask such silly things.

"We will be sisters forever," Luna said.

I broke. I closed my eyes, collapsing to the floor, banging my fists against it. The pain, the longing—it was too much.

When I woke up, I was in the Butterfly Estate, lying on a bed, wrapped in bandages. The memories lingered, a bittersweet reminder of the past I could never change. A cold reminder of what I have become... "Mrs. Tsukuyomi?" A sweet male voice cut through the air