NOT ALONE

This Time

Máirín's point of view

The days following were harder than I could have imagined. Basement Arts had organized a second evening where the team was to play the Harry Potter Musical again, supposedly because so many wanted to see the show they'd missed. So, of course, we had to rehearse again, all together. Darren and Nick talked about posting the parody on Youtube, and a debate began over the name of the show, which seemed to raise copyright issues. Nick and Matt ended up renaming the show A Very Potter Musical, and due to the limited length of time videos could be published on the platform, he cut it up and edited it into several acts and scenes as if it were a play. 

That weekend, the theater was once again packed. I'd felt a change among my fellow Basement Arts students, but also in the behavior of my classmates, and my teachers. Meredith tried to explain to me that it was because it was the end of the year, and the whole school was still a little saddened to be approaching the departure of the seniors. But I could sense that there was something else going on... The worst thing, of course, was to avoid Darren and not talk to him again. I had underestimated my ability to accept the situation I had imposed on myself. Seeing him and hearing him without going near him had become painful, a pain far different from the one I felt in my lungs, for this one was firmly embedded deep in my heart. I was so sick of it that every night I would just cry and brood in my room, thinking of him. I'd watch him from a distance, in class or when we were all gathered in the music room: he seemed both off and determined, that look of determination on his face that I knew him for. Naturally, our eyes always met at some point and every time they did, my heart leapt into my chest, remembering his words, seeing him confess his feelings, imagining him kissing me again... his mouth, his breath, his eyes... everything was jumbled together in my head. I was gradually destroying myself as I tried to protect him.

One evening after class, it was one look and one comment too many. Meredith was helping me cut out the new show cardboards that had been redone for the occasion, and she saw Darren looking at me and I immediately turned away.

'It's heartbreaking to see you two like this...' she murmured.

I got up and left the music room to go outside into the park, where I sat on the grass and took a deep breath of air. I felt a presence behind me. Meredith sat down next to me in the same position.

'I'm sorry... you know I can't help saying what I think,' she said, then.

'That's usually why I like you,' I retorted, half-smiling.

'May, you can't force Darren to stay away from you.'

'Of course I can, he'll get fed up, like all other boys his age, he'll end up chasing after someone else! By then I won't be around anymore, I won't have to see this.'

'He's not like the others, you know that! He's a hopeless romantic!'

'It'll be the end of him...'

'I've known Darren longer than you, he's never acted like this with any girl. You're not just a crush to him...

'His mum told me the same thing.'

'Well, maybe because it's true!'

'He told me... he told me that he was in love with me...' I admitted to her.

'He did?' she said, smiling. 'Well, that's about time!'

'It doesn't change anything...' I retorted.

'You two are so stubborn!' she growled. 

'Meredith, for God's sake, I just don't want Darren to see me die!' I cut her off, without thinking.

For once, she froze at my answer, unable to retort, as she was so good at doing.