July 25, 2024
Hi, good evening. It's currently 9:21pm and I'm writing this ksksjwiwjs. The day was good, I woke up early 'coz I had a nightmare, then while scrolling through my TikTok feed I got a notification from our sk kagawad saying those who are 18-30 y/o should go in our gymnasium along with their document such as valid id and if they have 2x2 picture for the youth profiling keme.
So, yun nga while eating dinner kanina kasabay ko sila papa at ading. Everything is good until nagsalita si papa, he said hurtful words like "awan karapatan nga questioning nak ti gastos tuy balay" "padam ni mamang mu" "kaslam kalalaingan" "bahala kan, haan ku damagin ti papanamun" "awan pakek kanyamun" etc. I can't even say something kasi it cuts e, I don't know what to say Kasi baka mas Magalit na naman sya or baka Mali na naman ang masabi ko. Kaya sinasabihan nya Ako ng "awan pakek nu dika again uni nu kasa sao ka"
Pa, haan ka mit kasta idi. Sinungbatan ka mit idi nag damag ka, mandik lang mapigilan ag sao kasi apay nagadu ti ibag bagam e sinumbatak mit damag mu. Sam ibaga nga "bastus ka" Anya bastus ijay pa? Para lang ijy gin kasta ti ibagam kanyak? Para lang haan mo nangig ti inbagak nga "adda ijay" permi pay sakit nakim mun. Ammok mit nga madi ajai ugalik nga kasjai ngim dik la makwa ta apay kasta kan.
Pinaglagpas ko amin ngainubram ken ub ubraem ingana itatta. Hinahayaan kita Kasi I don't wanna ruin our family na obviously broken na. I'm trying to glue it all together, I'm tryna fix it kasi ayo'kong magulo Tayo, we're not like this before or maybe we're like this, we've been like this since then. Mali bang itama mga pinag gagawa nyo? You're already old and yet you think like that. Do you think I'm fine just because I act this way? Just because I express everything in anger? Nag Tanong ba kayo? Kung ok lang Ako? Wala man lang kayong napansin? I even tried to threaten you guys but I didn't work. Why? Because l, pare pareho Tayo, we have our own principle and we already made our decisions.
I never hated you, I never prayed or hoped na sana hindi kita naging papa. Tbh I'm thankful even tho you have so Soo many failure, I'm even proud na Ikaw papa ko e. I was the happiest when you said "alangan met agloko nak e adda balasang nga anak ku" I always cry when I remember that line Kasi bakit? Among all those promises you made bakit yan pa? Why do you have to break that promise, like you've never cared about me. Since pandemic era you were never a father to us anymore, at some point maybe you were but I really really don't feel it. You love your reputation so much that I really want to protect it no matter what, they don't know the real you, and it's ok. Politics was never clean until I saw you fight evenly, without dirt. You're still my idol but I never wanted to have someone like you. I don't want a cheating husband who acta loyal and faithful. I don't want a lying husband, a gaslighter, manipulator and pavictim husband.
I never wanted to build this galit for you, you made me hate you. I'm so disappointed papa, if only you knew how it feels. I hope someday you'll realize that you're hurting your family. I miss the old you, you never wanted me to beg for a man's attention, love, and assurance but here I am begging that someday you'll realize that it's not you anymore. Your living the life that people wants for you. Please get us out here hmmm. We're waiting.
You're princess is tired na. If only I don't have a brother, you would never have to worry about me again but I'm fighting for him, please save him from all the trauma. Ilm protect him at all cost. I don't wanna burden him that's why sasaluhin ko lahat, sosolohin ko nalang, okay lang.
If I got time soon, I'll get my mental health checked, I really can't take this anymore, I need psychiatrist. I can feel it, it's killing me inside. Please help me papa, your rincess is not a strong soldier. I'm so so tired na.
