✎ to you, who swallowed a star 「 ed•v 」

20.40

it’s funny how fate reminds
you where you stand.

what fine line you
weren’t meant to cross.

which inevitable fortune
you’d have to take.

this unease in my heart
should have already ceased
with the passing of time, no?
decades should have been
long enough to allow myself
the luxury of moving on.

those many, fruitful,
happy, long years—
should have been enough.

but it wasn’t.

decades have passed,
but i still can’t
seem to move on. 

every time i am
left on my own,
i cannot help
but look back
on the life we used
to plan together.
one that enjoyed the
free and simpler things.
one that prioritized
all of us being
alive and complete.

but that life seems to be
the furthest thing out of
my reach as of late.

you are all long gone now,
yet i am still trapped in
the same empty train,
trying to trail after the images
and collect scraps of the
life we tried so hard to escape.

i truly do not understand.

is love worth everything? 

is love worth you dying?

why didn’t you wait for us?

why didn’t you trust me enough?

why did you have to
love him so much that
we were worth
being left behind?

why do you have to
slave away your freedom
for a mere fleeting
feeling as love?

i don’t understand.
(or perhaps, i choose not to.)

it doesn’t really matter.

i guess the cat’s out
of the bag now.

i knew i couldn’t
hide it for long.

but whether they learn
earlier, sooner, or later,
it doesn’t really
change the fact that
one way or another,

we’ve always been slaves.

, V.