✎ to you, who swallowed a star 「 ed•v 」

25.45

eduan seems to be
under the impression
that the reason i am
not telling him anything
regarding my past was
because of a number
of reasons, actually;

i do not trust him enough,
or i am covering up for the
reputation of the grace family,
or i have been sworn to
secrecy by lady arlene—

which, in all honesty, is not
that farfetched from reality,
but still a collection of
half-truths, in my opinion.

so, i will make it clear.

the only one i am
making excuses
here for is myself.

the only one i am
protecting is myself.

because in here, there
is no one left but me.

and i wholeheartedly
believe that shouldering
all these blood debts,
problems, and sins
alone is for the best.

as the oldest
next to hyung,

who became witness
to all those midnight
rendezvous disguised
as chance encounters,

the forbidden
romance between
a slave and
its master.,

the secrets and
exchanging letters,

the jailbreak and
final escapade,

and so long as the
contract is sealed
within my body,
i will probably take
this knowledge
to the grave.

i do not want to
be pitied when my
thoughtless actions
led to a family
being destroyed.

(though, isn’t it
ironic that i do not
want to be
blamed either?)

all i've ever wanted
was to be free.

yet, it is hard
to aim for such
fever dreams when
traces of the past
are etched onto the
crevices my skin
and reflected back
at me in the faces
of the people i meet
every single day.

i trust eduan
with my life.

i trust in eduan
more than myself.

but, surely, i am allowed
to save some face and
keep the parts that
bring me shame hidden.

surely, i am owed that much.

, V.