✎ to you, who swallowed a star 「 ed•v 」

23.43

it’s not like
i’m against the
notion of love.

in fact,
i’ve come
to love
many things.

hazelnuts.

kitchen knives.

the sciences.

shinsu.

flowers.

spring.

the sun.

the sky.

the sea.

the color blue.

like i said,
many things.

however, expending
time, effort, and
affection towards
inanimate objects
isn’t at all similar
to providing and
reciprocating those
abstract, complicated,
intangible concepts
for real, live, people.

i can’t exactly indulge
in such whirlwind
romances with a
lifelong oath tying
me down, can i?

(would you enter
a relationship knowing
your partner’s lifespan
is bound to another?) 

(i know i wouldn’t.)

still, it does not
change the fact 
that i’ve come to
love many things.

gustang’s quiet adoration
for lady blossom?

beautiful.

lady yurin’s confusing
crush on han?

adorable.

jahad’s dedication
towards lady arlene?

admirable.

the common denominator
between all these
is that these
emotions are pure.

t̶h̶e̶y̶ d̶o̶ n̶o̶t̶ h̶a̶v̶e̶
e̶x̶c̶e̶s̶s̶ b̶a̶g̶g̶a̶g̶e̶.̶

though, away from
prying eyes, i guess
it is safe for me to
admit at least this:

i love eduan.

i love the recklessness
and spontaneity
akin to his lightning.

i love the comfort
and soothing embrace
he offers despite his ice. 

i love when his eyes
light up— unrestrained
by worldly ties.

i have fallen
completely,
deeply,
and
madly
in love
with
khun eduan.

but, if it is
up to me
to act upon
these feelings,
then everything
i claim to love
about him will,
inevitably,
wilt away. 

so, no.

i do not love him.

, V.