✎ to you, who swallowed a star 「 ed•v 」

24.44

‘have you ever thought
about lovers’ suicide?’

if i had a nickel
for every time
tuperie tperie-ssi
says something that
may seem truly
random at first,
but coincidentally makes
sense for the person
he is speaking to,
i would have several
handful of nickels.

which is weird that
it happens quite often.

d̶i̶d̶ h̶e̶ c̶a̶t̶c̶h̶ w̶i̶n̶d̶ o̶f̶
m̶y̶ s̶c̶a̶n̶d̶a̶l̶o̶u̶s̶ p̶a̶s̶t̶?̶

(hopefully not.)

and even if he did,
that part of the story
was only known to
a (mostly dead or
incapacitated) few.

but, i guess he was
always perceptive like that
(almost omniscient,
too all-knowing).

though, i can’t guarantee
that it's my favorite
thing in the world.

on the subject
of lovers’ suicide,
is that what it is
called nowadays?

what a romanticized
worldview for
something so tragic.

whoever thought of
such an ill-fated
concept must not be
in their right mind.

who would want their
significant other to lose
their own life cradled
in their very embrace?

if i were to decide,

i would...

i would...

... want them to live.

even if the thought
itself pains me so,
i would want them
to consider a life
without me in it.

why would i
deprive the one
i hypothetically love
a future that
they never wanted
but needed?

yes.

that would most probably
be the hardest decision
i am willing to make for 
the sake of the one i love.

however.

however,
if i am allowed
even the slightest
bit of selfishness—
if, in another life,
i would choose to be
consumed by greed,

then, dying together
does not seem so bad.

was that what was
going on inside hyung’s
head in his last moments,
as he stabbed his lover
then slit his own throat?

(perhaps. perhaps not.)

i don’t particularly know
why i’m entertaining this. 

damn your foresight, tperie-ssi.

, V.