Letting Go (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter 32: In Too Deep

Harry Styles

I was in deep.

Way too deep.

I realized it the moment she asked Tyler to help her walk, my arms instinctively pulling her back into me before I figured out what I was doing. I realized it the moment he scooped her up in his arms and had that hopeful look in his eyes, making my fists clench at my sides before I held them together behind my back. I realized it the moment that I saw that page in her sketchbook, a watercolor painting of my swallow tattoo, and I almost apologized as my mind pictured her painting it on my skin.

I wanted to stay mad at her, but it had lasted all of two seconds, damn that girl.

At dinner I wanted to tell her about putting Nick and his backstreet boy minions in their place on the lake. Then I remembered I was mad at her. I wanted to tell her how I caught one of my boys trying to put a frog in my bed and made him wear a tutu and yell "I'm a pretty princess!" at every person he saw for the rest of the day. But I was mad at her. I didn't realize it until we stopped talking, but ever since we stayed up late that one night, we'd been pretty solid. We would always share horror stories of the kids and plot our revenge or just pick a random topic and go for it, me being cocky and immature, her being a smartass. Sure, she was infuriating and a pain in the ass sometimes, but hanging out with Nat had become second nature. I just never realized how much until now. And I was mad at her.

My head was complete chaos. I was pissed at my father for making me get on a plane to Harvard, pissed at myself for not being able to making a damn decision about it, pissed at Natalie for wanting me to talk about it, and pissed at myself for leaving her all alone when I promised that we were in it together. Sometimes I felt like a wound up coil ready to explode, but then Nat would walk in, and it reminded me of the first week of camp. She was all smiles and said the right things around the campers, but she was faking it. Now it's the same way, only everyone else can see it. The weight on her shoulders is crippling again because she's carrying it on her own. When she's alone with the counselors, like she was at the pool, she can't hide it as well. She's angry and she's hurting herself by not accepting anyone's help. And when I see that, the anger fades, and I'm no longer the wound up coil...

I'm the freaking pansy who's first instinct is to protect her and make sure she's okay.

Even though we're both mad at each other.

What the hell is that about?

"Harry?"

I jerked my head up to see Roberta, the cafeteria lady, standing in front of me. I almost did a double take. I didn't think I had ever seen her outside the dining hall. What was she doing by the lake? Her gray eyes flitted about the boathouse before resting on me again. "You need to take this." She spoke quickly, holding out an unfamiliar cellphone.

I blinked at her. "What?"

"Just do it honey." She shoved the phone against my ear and I shot her a crazy look. I knew that she gave me extra helpings and bought the groceries for the pecan pie, but this was a little weird. I didn't know her well enough to be answering her own phone.

"Helloo?" I asked skeptically.

"Harry dear, thank goodness!"

I cocked an eyebrow at Roberta. "Judy?"

She laughed. "Yes dear, from the diner. "

"I remember."

Like I could forget her. Her voice was in my head all the damn time.

"You need to come down here right away." She urged, her voice getting quieter.

I frowned. "I'm kinda in the middle of cleaning the jet skiis at the moment. I have to finish before the next session. What's the big deal?"