Dawn of a New Era

And Of the Spirit

The fall of that night was the dawn of my era.

When a child is conceived inside the warmth of a mother, they are all Spirit. And for a time, in their walking and beating existence they are between the borderlines of their Spirit Self and Physical self; learning, becoming, and adjusting to the livelihood of the human life experience.

In some cultures it is said that the first time that a baby laughs they become One, no longer all Spirit and officially transitioned into our world. For me, officially, that contract is sealed during an individual's Spawn in Period, as I like to call it.

The Spawn in Period is when One officially gains consciousness of the reality they are in.

My Spawn in period was when I was 4. I woke up one morning not knowing what my yesterday was, how I got to where I was, or what the day could be. Nevertheless, I could acknowledge the fact that I had a mother and father, and if I were to see them I would know who they were. I knew that the thing I arose from was my bed, and I knew the light I saw meant there was a sun outside. I was confused for a moment, I even wandered around for a little while, and eventually I transitioned into my reality seamlessly. Anything before that time, I could not recall.

Until now.

That night that seemed oh so long ago to my Spirit, lost to me for years, was held captive in my mind. Now, the answers of what was, has been unleashed.

That midnight - a darkness full of weariness that pained my little body - my Spirit began to manifest outside of my adjusting body, for She knew what misery was to come. Spiritually, I knew that trouble was abound. Physically, I only knew myself as a young child who just wanted to get picked up; a war raged between my mind, body, and spirit. 

It was a battle full of drudgery not because I truly wanted to get picked up, but because these people were my parents. What child does not need the support and security of their parents? I was new to this world, new to this life, who would truly guide me if they failed me so quickly in the most developmental stages of my life? They did not even have the decency to turn around and acknowledge, give reason to, and/or answer me.

They failed me, and in my Spirit I knew. And so, as a last resort, I so helplessly turned upward to the stars in one last plea; I turned to what I had always known. I turned to them and said:

"Look, look at me! It is only my beginning and they have already forsaken me. What am I or must I do? It is only my beginning!"

I could feel such a plea rip through the river of my developing soul, I had not even an identity to call my own and I was already ruined. I was so helpless and defeated in my cry, I could feel such a faith being shred away.

As I looked to the stars in their many and varied lights, they twinkled down on me - the way they had always done when we were adjacent in One - and said goodbye to me for the last time.

I remember it, a blanket of Venta as dark as midnight snow, sweeping across my eyelids and leading me into a deep slumber. Perhaps that is why my mind can not touch upon anything that had occurred after those significant moments.

And in that blanketed darkness, a cover so sublime, they fell down upon me in my sleepless night. They, my Angels of Light, swept away my tears that began to develop from trauma. They slept with me that very night and wept tears not known to any Angel of any kind.

Angels needn't sleep, express emotion, let alone cry. And yet, here they were, at the command of our Holy Omnipotence crying tears of intercession for One who was once like them. They wept in all the darkness of the night, until dawn rose, and they ascended into the sky like burning pillars; like stars.

It is crazy, unfathomable even, how immense pain and trauma can truly remove the mysticism and light from your life. I never knew, or rather forgotten, how powerful my light burned oh so long ago.