Linked AU One-Shots

20. Legend the Babysitter in What Might as Well be a Burning Building

Prompt: Babysitting

I originally named it that as a joke but I'm just going to roll with it. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Thanks for agreeing to watch our kids!" Mamasha grinned as she gave Legend's hand a firm shake.

"Wait! I didn't agree to–" He began to say, but she and her husband rushed out the door as though they were actively avoiding their kids. Great. The Hero blew a strand of hair out of the way. Why were so many people so dang helpless, anyway? And more importantly, why did he somehow get dragged into helping them all?

"Link, Link!" One of the kids exclaimed, shaking his arm to get his attention. "Can I play with your sword? Pleaaasseeeee?"

"What?!" Legend exclaimed, swatting it away as he took a few steps from the group of four identical boys. It wasn't very effective, seeing as one had gotten up onto his back, holding onto his shield to stay on him. "No Kidoh! And Suhni, get off of me!" His mind was reeling, showing him some maneuvers that would effectively take out the kids, but unfortunately these weren't threats he could actually fight, unlike moblins.

"I'm not Kidoh!" The first boy defended, "I'm Suhni! That's Kidoh!" He pointed over to the boy on Legend's back, who still was refusing to get off.

"Sorry, sorry." Legend nearly rolled his eyes. What did it even matter when he was yelling at both of them? "Suhni, you can't touch my sword and – Kidoh! You better not be touching the hilt!" He reached back and shooed the small hand away from his weapon. If he had known that he was going to be looking over these kids, he wouldn't have brought his things like this.

"What's a hilt?" One of the other boys, Lattie he guessed, asked. The boy wasn't actively being a nuisance but he and Joonya were hovering a bit too close for the Hero's liking.

"It's like a– where I hold my sword." Legend supposed. Being overwhelmed with four of them at once, and trying to speak in a language they'd understand was a bit tricky in the moment. He finally managed to get Kidoh off of his back, but now Suhni was trying to jump onto him, pulling his arms down to use them as steps.

"Can I hold you sword?" The last kid asked as he too started to try and climb on top of Legend.

"No!"

"But what if I just touch it? Just for a moment?"

"Absolutely not!" Legend reeled back, hitting the wall. Shoot, he was cornered.

"But whyyyy?!" Lattie moaned. "We'll be careful! Promise!" Legend, of course, could think about ten different reasonable responses to that, none that the kids seemed to be understanding.

"It's dangerous! You could hurt yourself!" He scolded.

"But whyyyyyyy?!" Kidoh moaned right back.

"Because I trained to carry it and you didn't!"

"But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!" Joonya cried.

"Because your mother would kill me if I let you!"

A pause. A nice, quiet one where Legend could remember what the sound his own thoughts sounded like. He eased, glad that he had finally gotten through to the swarm of kids. He felt better already, his head clearing.

"But why?" Suhni asked, bursting Legend's bubble. It was all the man could do to prevent himself from ripping his hair right out of his skull, screaming so loud the entire island could hear and quite possibly exploding on the spot.

"Because I said so!" He exclaimed, placing his hands on his hips as he leaned over. (Oh gosh, he sounded just like his uncle.) Thankfully, the kids grew quiet at this again. He took the spare moments of silence he was awarded and sat down at the nearest chair, dropping his shield on the ground. Usually he would do the same with his sword, but he couldn't chance the kids getting their hands on it. He tilted his head back. He had hardly been there for five minutes, and he was exhausted already. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. How had he even gotten in this situation in the first place?

"Link," One of the kids asked softly a minute later. Legend lazily opened his eyes, tilting his head so he could see the child right next to him. "You're no fun."

Legend could only sigh. He had no idea how to interact with children. "What... if I just tell you a story?" kids liked that, yeah?

"Oh! What about how you saved all of that funny named place? Uh– My Rule?" One of the other kids – Kidoh?-- asked. Legend had already mixed them all up.

"It's... Hyrule, but... uh, sure." He tried his very best to grin. He started off awkwardly at first, not really sure how to make it sound all exciting without also scarring them all. Or were they old enough to hear it all? He was about their age when it all began, anyway. But in any case, he watched as all four of them began to settle down at the sound of his voice. He used grand hand gestures and poses to really bring the story to life, and the children leaned in with interest as a result. He was gaining confidence as he reached the climax of the story, where he was gearing up to fight his foe once and for all to save the princess.

But that was when he was interrupted by loud cries and screams coming from the corner of the room.

"Uh oh, looks like our brother woke up from his nap." One of the four – Legend wasn't even going to pretend to know which was which– frowned as he got up. He led Legend over to the crib, where the blood curdling noises were coming from.

"How do I stop it?" Legend asked, flinching at each cry. He had to resist covering his ears.

"What do you mean? I'm just a kid, why would I know?" they responded with a tilt of his head. So Legend did the first thing that he could think of and grabbed the baby, cradding it in his arms. He bounced it a little as he swayed, trying to soothe it.

"No, no, mister! You gotta do it more like–" The boy swayed side to side, doing the exact same motion Legend was.

"I– that's what I'm doing! And didn't you just say you didn't know anything?" Legend protested as he continued to try and soothe the screaming baby. It was only getting worse.

"Well I forgot, okay?" The kid pouted. "And you're not doing the same thing! You're doing it more like–" The kid shifted his weight to his other side, but otherwise did the exact same motions as before. "You gotta do it more like–" He shifted his weight back, but otherwise remained the same.

"That's the same thing!" He argued.

"Is not!"

"Is–" It was at this moment that Legend realized he was seriously fighting with a nine year old. He let out a huff, reminding himself to never go that low. Instead, he looked back into the main area of the house. Which was– wait – "Where are your brothers?!" He exclaimed instead. The child followed his gaze.

"Oh, I think they mentioned something about going into the forest to start their own journey to fight Cannon Dwarf." The kid only shrugged.

"Ganondorf!" Legend corrected in a yell, not that hardly mattered. "Why didn't you say anything?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is there?!" He set the baby down, paused, and picked it back up. Then paused, and set it down. He had no idea if he was just supposed to leave the thing there or bring it with him. Neither seemed like a good idea.

'I dunno." They only shrugged. "I'm just a kid!"

Legend couldn't stop his facepalm. This had to be some kind of dream. Or nightmare, rather. He sighed, pinching his arm. He hesitated as he realized he hadn't actually felt it. He tried again. Nothing. He furled his brow, trying to magic the kids back inside if this really was some kind of dream. That didn't work, either. Well, whatever. Must be real then. With stress coursing through him, he raced to grab his shield. "You stay here!" He exclaimed as he slang it over his shoulder and ran out of the house.