Lose Yourself

Smitten

Em had dismissed Rex for the night so Sam could drive him home. Rex had grumbled half heartedly about security but Em knew that he was excited to hit the Arby's drive-thru on the way home.

They drove in the light snow, listening to Sam's choice of music. Let's Go Crazy by Prince played loudly and Em happily watched Sam singing along as they drove along the busy road. He had a nice singing voice. A nice everything.

"Earth to Marshall Mathers?" Sam called out to him.

Em snapped to attention. "Oh shit. What did I miss?"

Sam shook his head. "Nothing. I was just talking about traffic."

Em bit his lip, regretting giving Sam bad directions. "Groesbeck Highway fucking sucks. Sorry, I thought it would be faster."

Sam turned up the next song. Em could tell it was Modest Mouse but it was a song he didn't recognize. It wasn't his scene but he had played with them at a music festival before. He'd been introduced to the band but instantly forgot their names and couldn't remember a single thing about them. But the singer's voice was dialed into his brain.

Sam's finger hovered over the skip button."Do you hate this?"

Em shook his head, he didn't understand its appeal but he didn't hate it. "No. It's cool."

The song was odd and clunky. Something about night on the sun and stabbing yourself. Weird but relatable.

"Look. Look up there." Sam pointed up at the huge flock of birds swooping in a organized pattern.

"It's like they're showing off." Em mused.

Sam's green eyes flashed to meet his. "I'm glad you noticed. I've been training them for weeks."

Em laughed. He loved that Sam was so weird. He had a way of making everything seem magical and new. As they drove, he studied his Sam's profile, his perfect nose and strong chin. The dimples that made him want to make Sam smile all the time. He allowing himself to stare openly, he watched the way Sam's long fingers tapped along to the unfamiliar song. Em wished he knew the words to sing along. And then the moment was over.

Sam turned the next song down and cleared his throat. "There was something in one of your songs about your English teacher hitting on you. Was that true?"

Em flushed crimson. "Uhhh, yeah reverse that, I was in love with him. I was the ugliest kid, like repellant and shit. Liking him made me so fucking mad, it was like I wanted to hurt him for making me feel attracted to him. That probably doesn't make sense."

Sam just nodded thoughtfully. "There was a guy on my swim team that was so beautiful. God, he was hot and so nice. And I hated him because I was so unbelievably attracted to him. He was totally oblivious but I felt like my face was on fire when I talked to him. He probably thought I was crazy."

"I thought I was gay when I was younger because I'd get obsessed with guys." It felt weird to finally say the words out loud that he'd kept inside for so long. Em wasn't sure why he was telling Sam all of this but it felt important.

"I always see you with women. You aren't- I assumed you're bi."

"I am bi." It was amazing to be able to talk like this. Sam didn't seem shocked or even surprised to hear Em say the words for the first time. "I'm bi." He repeated the words and appreciated how easy they were to say. "Um, yeah. My little obsessions weren't like attractions. Like I genuinely wanted to be that person. I wanted people to treat me like they treated the beautiful people. People like you."

Sam's hand's stiffened, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "So this thing with us dating is like a curiosity for you?"

"This feels different but I'm doing shitty job explaining it. You've been really nice and stuff. Like planning stuff to do and I've been a dick."