Lose Yourself

Someone Like You

They had moved back to the kitchen, where Em felt most comfortable. He liked his house but it was too big, too lonely. Em had finally pulled himself together enough to offer Sam a sparkling water. Well, he'd remembered to offer after Sam asked if he could have a water. He looked at the reflection of the two of them in the kitchen windows. What did this look like to his security team? Did they know that Em was checking Sam out? Had Sam noticed that hands shook as he opened cabinets?

Why did he have so many fucking vitamins sitting out?

Sam seemed amused as he leaned his hip on the kitchen counter, watching Em stress over what type of glass to offer him. "Do you do this a lot? Invite strangers over to your house?"

He let his eyes roam over Sam's body. "You're not all that strange."

It was Sam's turn to roll his eyes. "I know. I know. I'm about as threatening as a double knot."

"Jesus. That's a pretty good line."

Sam took a long drink and then turned his glass in a circle, not making eye contact. "I'm so intimidated by you."

"By me? There's no way that's true. I'm dumb as fuck." Em was surprised that anyone so objectively hot would find him intimidating. Sam was almost pretty, like a doll. His hands twitched, wishing he could come up with any excuse on the planet to touch him.

"You aren't dumb; you're brilliant. You have what, like, 10 Grammys?"

"15 Grammys. But who the fuck's counting?" Em opened the cabinet under the sink to show Sam where he kept his collection of awards, next to the disinfectant and extra dish soap. "Awards don't mean shit to me."

"Aren't you in the rock and roll hall of fame?" Sam said in a teasing voice.

"Maybe I'm intimidated by you too?  A fucking Shakespeare quoting Tom Brady lookalike with a perfect smile, and a perfect –"

Sam threw his head back, laughing. "Tom Brady?! What the fuck?"

Em stared longingly at his adam's apple, emboldened. "Shut up. You know you're hot. Do you go home with strange guys often?"

"Not in a very long time ." Sam's expression was curious, like he was weighing each word.

"Relationships?" Em held his breath, silently pleading with the universe that Sam was not seeing anyone.

To his relief, Sam shook his head. "Nope. Not lately. What about you?"

A smile spread across Em's face. "I can't meet the kind of person I want to date." Someone like you, Sam. The words were on the tip of his tongue. His heart was pounding in his chest. Why couldn't he just say it out loud? I want someone exactly like you. He wanted to bash his head against the wall. Why couldn't he get the words out? I. Want. You.

The silence rung in his ears. He heard himself swallow loudly. And he poured the rest of his sparkling water into a Spiderman mug. "But why don't you date? You're, like, all perfect and shit." He knew he sounded nervous but Sam laughed and it made him feel happy and light. Like a drug made out of pure sunshine. 

Sam ran his hand through his hair. "Perfect? Jesus Christ. That's what people say right before they break up with you. They say, 'You're totally perfect but just not perfect for me'."

"Break up? Shit, I ain't even started with you." Em caught a glimpse of his reflection in the kitchen window. He was surprised that he looked calm and steady.

"You're gonna start with me, Shady?" Sam pressed his lips together, his green eyes sparkling.

Em felt like his face was on fire. His lips curved into a half smile. "Maybe?"