HEARTLESS─── RAFE CAMERON [1]

chapter thirty three

I sit back down on my desk, huffing at my computer. I stared at the bright screen in front of me almost aimlessly.

Morning sun filtered through the blinds, casting a soft glow across my bedroom. On my desk, a stack of college brochures and application forms were spread out in front of me. The soft hum of the computer filled my ears as I stared at the blank document on my laptop screen.

The cursor blinked at me, almost mockingly, as I tried to gather my thoughts. Writing college application essays felt like summing up my entire life in a few paragraphs. Where do I even begin?

I took a deep breath and typed the first sentence: "Growing up in the Outer Banks has shaped me in more ways than I can count."

I paused, rereading the line. "No, no, no," I whispered to myself. It was true, but too general. I needed something more specific— something more of a hook.

My phone buzzed on the desk. I didn't want to look at it, but I succumbed to temptation anyways. A message from Rafe.

Rafe: Can I come over?

I think to myself before typing out a response. Obviously, he shouldn't, because I should be cranking out all the essays I'll have to submit in the fall. But then again, it was only July 29th. I had plenty of time to get these done. Starting now was just getting a head start. Most people don't actually start till the end of August.

I smiled, feeling a bit of the tension ease from my shoulders. Maybe Rafe's company would even help me with getting some of these done.

Lux: Sure, come over. But I'm trying to write some essays, so just promise not to distract me too much ;).

I hit send and turned back to my laptop, determined to at least get a solid draft started before he arrived. I took another deep breath and tried again.

I begin to type, the words flowing slightly more easily now. I pause again, letting the words sink in. But it still didn't feel right.

I was just getting into some sort of rhythm when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in!" I called out, knowing it was Rafe.

He walked in with a grin, holding up a bag of snacks. "Thought you could use some brain food."

I laughed. "Thanks. I'll need it, 'cause I'm not getting anywhere with this essay."

Rafe sat down on the edge of my bed, opening the bag and pulling out some of the chips he'd brought for me. "What's the prompt?"

"It's just a general personal statement. You know, 'tell us about yourself' kind of thing. It's much more difficult than it sounds."

He nodded, munching on a chip. "Yeah, I'm sure. I haven't even started writing mine, 'cause I don't want to ruin my summer and I'm not as much of a nerd as you are. What do you have so far?"

I laugh lightly, shaking my head. "I can't even show you. It's so bad."

"Alright, I'll leave you to it then. But I'm here if you need a break." He settles onto my bed, lying down and crossing his feet at the ankles. I turned back to my laptop, trying to focus. The silence— and his presence— in the room was comforting, but every now and then, I glanced at the mirror on my desk and saw Rafe doing things I couldn't quite figure out. First, he was silently pretending to conduct an orchestra with a chip, then trying to balance a stack of chips on his nose.

***

Time passed, and I could feel my frustration building. The words still felt forced, and I couldn't capture what I truly wanted to say.