Love syndrome day..itt //note book//

20. time to leave

Neil was sitting next to Day  looking confused and at a loss

Day
just said what's up
I knows everything so it's okay

Neil
damn it I was sure you'd find out
I don't understand why they'd hide something like this

Day
I understand that itt asked them to do it and said he'd tell me himself but when do you think he'll do it

Neil
why are you so calm are you really going to let Travel like that

Day gritted his teeth as he heard Neil say the word leave he was sure there was something they were hiding from him but he didn't know what it was

Day
I don't know maybe

When Day  finished his work, he went to Brick's room and sat there waiting for him until he returned.

Itt
Day you're here. you waiting for me?

Day
ummm, I was waiting for you like I always do.

It looked at him for a while.

Itt
you know, right?

Day
when were you going to tell me?
An hour or less before you left?

Itt went towards Day and sat next to him, holding his hand.

Itt
it's hard, but it's best for us. You know that very well. In your heart, the two of us no longer feel happy and comfortable together. You know that very well. My presence in your life makes you miserable too.

Day was talking calmly, looking at Brick's face with eyes full of pain.

Day
is this how you justify your escape?

Itt
Day please I'm not running away but being here won't help me be okay I need to get away from here

Day
if you're just running away because you don't want to see me You don't need to leave your house I'll go

Itt
no it's not because I don't want to see you What I really need is to leave everything now and be in a new place and change everything so I can get myself back again I need to leave my family and my home My friends and you

Day
when will you come back

Itt
I don't know

Day
am I waiting for you

It
no

Day
then you're not coming back

Itt
I don't know

Day
who are you going with and where?

Itt
I'm leaving with Ray to America

Day
America oh my god you chose a place too far this time

Day got up and headed towards the door

Itt
Day please don't be like this

Day
how do you want me to be? Hey tell me should I hug you and carry your bag and take you to the airport and smile at you while raising my hand to say goodbye

Damn you're abandoning me how do you want me to be

Day stopped there looking at Brick with cold eyes and a straight face devoid of feelings and in a sharp and calm voice he said

Go wherever you want I don't care anymore Go to hell Itt

The loud sound of the door lock made the person standing in the middle of the room shake.
His heart wanted so badly to run after his lover and hug him but he knew that it was a dead end and their wounds would not heal just because they slept in each other's arms. itt walked towards a small desk in his room. He took out the notebook that he had sent to Day . When night gave him the notebook when he returned home, he began reading it.

Day

((Nothing has meaning anymore Nothing is important anymore I don't feel comfortable I can't even sleep The pain I feel in my heart is unbearable You are the person with whom my soul is How can I forget you How can I leave you Even if I can leave you because you want to How can I get you out of me From my memories From my mind
itt How can you leave me like this alone You don't remember our promises to each other And your words to me You don't miss me  I am drowning and suffocating I need to breathe you in order to live))

2

All I wanted in this world was you and all you wanted was to leave me

If your desire to leave me behind was to be happy then what should I do but let you go and wish you happiness

3

Again again all this pain pierces my heart and shakes my being again I'm losing my mind like an addict who can't quit his addiction again My longing for you defeats me itt
 

4
If someone had kept me away from you I would have fought them but you are the one who chose to leave me How can I fight you

5

Leave me please in the arms of your heart and let me dream of a life that contains only you Leave me just go and never say never every time there is separation
Happiness is embodied in you
You are my happiness and if I want to be happy you must be happy Seeing sadness in your eyes makes me the saddest person in the world

6
My last writing to you
I know everything is bad between us I know even if I hold you and beg you and if you stay close to me it will be pity and compassion not love
And you are the love of my life I never imagined that you would leave and leave me with my longing and wounds So I will say goodbye to you and believe me you will not become a past in my memory You will always remain the most beautiful thing in my life And if I remain alone in this life I will hold on to those dreams and memories that brought us together With you so thank you for all that love thank you for teaching me how to breathe properly how to live and smile thanks to you I learned how to love properly and you taught me how to be a person who carries different feelings inside him sadness and longing and fear and anxiety and sympathy you taught me how to live among a wonderful family and friends thank you for being the kindest person who entered my life thank you for embracing me and loving me
And I will apologize to you always and forever because I hurt you and let you down because I took away from you the freedom to choose who you love I apologize to you for my weakness I always felt that I forced you to fall in love with me so fear controlled my heart I was afraid that someone else would catch your attention and that you would move away from me to get closer to someone else so I would get angry with every person who approached you or even looked at them Do you know why I was madly jealous of Meen  because she is a person you chose a person who was completely your choice she is the one with whom you built your dreams and you wanted to complete your future with her that is something that no matter what I do no matter what I want I will not be able to bring back the past to be your choice with your full will so I will do everything and I apologize to you  Even if my death was the only way for you to enter my life and fall in love with me, that's my way. I would do it again, even if I lost you in the end. Having you in my life and making memories with you, even for a few years, is enough for me. That happiness and the love I felt with you is enough for me to complete my life with them.

No matter how much I want and no matter how hard I try my heart won't listen to me and I don't have enough willpower to stop loving you and forget you
Until the time you are happy and find someone who can protect you and take care of you I will always be behind you and help you and hold your hand every time you reach out to me
Goodbye my first and last love
Goodbye my only dream that I dreamed
Goodbye my best friend and my beautiful wonderful wife))

Itt could not believe that his lover had written all those words to him. Did Day feel all that pain? Although he knew what Day had gone through and cried time and time again for two days while reading and hugging the notebook  When he opened his eyes and found Day  in front of him, he could not resist and slept on his lover's chest to reassure his soul for a little, he decided to continue with the decision he had made. This was the only way to heal his soul.