True love? || Minsung / Chanmin

Chapter 16: Confused

Felix's pov:

I went to bed feeling confused, spent the entire night turning it all over in my head, and got up from bed after a sleepless night none the wiser. I sighed as I pushed my breakfast around with a fork, letting my mother's rant go in one ear and out the other. Something about her friend's wedding last night not containing any form of alcohol or beer. I didn't know. I didn't, couldn't, care when the conversation I'd overheard yesterday was still mulling over in my head. AYCC. Accustom your child club. I had always known my parents went to some sort of club. They'd mentioned it before, in scattered conversations I never thought much of, but I had always assumed it was the kind of club where you get drunk and smoke and hook up and all that shit. Not... whatever this is. 

"Are you even listening to me?!" She asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. She didn't wait for an answer, and continued talking as soon as I was looking at her. "And she has the audacity  to kick me out of the venue when I complained about the lack of alcohol! I'd always known she was a bitch! It was about time she showed her true colors." Typical of mom. One minute she's someone's best friend, next she's cursing them out in the privacy of her home. "What do you think, huh, brat? It was so fucking rude of her, wasn't it?!" 

"Yes, mom." She had told you beforehand that her husband doesn't drink and that there wouldn't be alcohol involved.

"What's wrong with you today, brat? You're literally so ungrateful, you know that? I made breakfast for you and I'm talking to you, brat! I'm trying to bond with you and you're just sitting there like a brick wall. I'm your mother, for fuck's sake! Learn to respect yourself. Do you want me to tell your father how disrespectful you're being?!" 

Don't talk back, don't talk back, don't-

"What have I done wrong, mom? It's like you hate me! If I talk to you, you say I'm talking back, if I don't, you say I'm disrespectful! What do you fucking want from me?" Why did you say that, you idiot, you idiot, you idiot. My nails dug into my palms, an attempt at steadying myself against the beating sure to come. But what came instead was the disheartened remark.

"Is this how it is, then? You're talking to your mom like that?" She didn't sound angry, and a flicker of hope bloomed in me. Maybe, just maybe, I could salvage this. 

"I-I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was disrespectful of me. Please forgive me." It took one look at her face, just one look, for hope to die a viscous death in my chest. The hooded eyes, her lips pressed into a bloodless line. 

I braced myself for the inevitable blow, but the first slap still swept my head to the side. This was gonna hurt.

But when did it not?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I jerked awake when I was jabbed in the side by Changbin, who was sitting next to me, for the nth time during that class. My lack of sleep paired with a beating made me into this tired mess. Can't wait till class is over, I thought as I dropped my head against the table again, only for Changbin to raise it again. I glared at him. He grinned back. I hadn't talked to Changbin much before, but he and Jeongin are pretty close, from what I've heard. I gave up on attempting to sleep with Changbin near me and instead tried to listen to what the teacher was saying, only for my thoughts to start wandering. I thought of AYCC, of my mother's anger and father's frustration, of the fact that my parents might go to prison if they were caught. I couldn't fully comprehend how I felt about that. On one hand, they were, well, assholes, but on the other, they are my parents. I cannot wish it on them. I shouldn't, at least. But what if I do?

They're your parents, Felix. You're such an ungrateful brat. They don't love you because you're like this, because of these thoughts, you brat. They're already offering you food and water and a place to stay. There are people out there who don't even have parents, and here you are, not even trying to stop your friends from getting them arrested. 

A small voice in my head. It had started out harmless, years ago, bringing me to my senses when I was goofing off instead of paying attention in class and reminding me to brush my teeth. Now I had to repress a physical flinch whenever I heard it, force myself to slow my breathing and pray no one around me noticed my shoulders tensing. Distantly I heard a bell ring, and I got up to leave with the others, trying and failing to leave my thoughts behind in the deserted classroom.

***

I would like to start this off by apologizing, both for not updating in so long and for how short this chapter was. It feels like it's not enough to make up for months with no update, but it's the best I can manage right now.

While I was rereading this book to remember all the details to be able to write this chapter, I realized that this... isn't having a lot of romance in it. It feels like there's a stronger focus on Felix than there is for the couples, so next chapter is gonna be a minsung chapter. 

What are your thoughts? Does it read well or is it obvious that I haven't written anything in a while? I'd love to know your opinions.

Before writing this, I was actually thinking of putting the link of chk chk boom or jjam, but to be honest scars just felt more appropriate for this chapter. 

This chapter is actually the longest chapter I've written so far.

Word count: 1005 words