True love? || Minsung / Chanmin

Chapter 4: Mental Illnesses and a beating

Felix's pov: 

Thankfully, music class was my only lesson today. After that fight during class, we sat down and started working. Well, the others were working while Minho, Irene, and I observed. Our part came in later. After music class, I was free to leave the school building. I texted Irene, asking her to come to the college's roof where I was. I was scrolling through instagram, waiting for her to show up, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up to see Irene. 

"Hey." I said, dodging her as she tried to kiss me. She furrowed her brows. I normally didn't reject her kisses. 

"Hi. What's up?" She looked worried.

"Listen, I'm going to keep this short. I want to break up." I said. I tried my hardest not to feel guilty as I watched tears fill her eyes.

"What?! Why?!" She asked. "Did I do something wrong? I was always by your side! I never betrayed you or did anything rude to you, so why are you breaking up with me?!"

"It's not you. You didn't do anything wrong. I just... I feel like I've fallen out of love. Even if it hurts you that I'm breaking up with you, I know from experience that it'll hurt more if I keep leading you on when I don't love you."  She didn't say anything, just nodded and left the roof. I knew that I broke her heart, but I also knew that it was better to cut off our relationship before I could hurt her more. I picked myself up and went back home. 

Because my parents didn't want me living away from them, I didn't move to the college dorm and just stayed with them, even though I didn't like it. When I got back home, my mother was sitting on the couch texting someone. She looked up from her phone when I walked in. 

"Why are you so late? Your class ended 20 minutes ago." She inquired.

"Sorry. I was talking to a friend and lost track of time." I said. That wasn't completely true, but I didn't want her knowing that I had broken up with Irene.

"I see. Well, while you were away, I found this." She said, holding up a tattered notebook. I felt my blood run cold. She had found my diary, the one thing that I didn't want my parents seeing at all costs. She found it. I felt like crying, but I knew I couldn't. Not now, not in front of her. That diary was the embodiment of who I am. I wrote literally everything in it. All of my thoughts, uncensored. "What have I told you about 'mental illnesses', Felix?" She asked, making hand quotations at "mental illnesses". 

"That they aren't real, and that people who claim to have them are attention seeking whores who crave pity." I answered. My voice was shaky, and my bones were trembling. It was a response that had been engraved inside me. It was what my parents had taught me. 

"Exactly. So then, why did you write in this notebook about having a so called anxiety attack? And you also wrote about self harming? I see. Well, since you like being hurt so much that you hurt yourself, I told your father all about it, and sent him pictures of this notebook. He'll be home soon, and he promises to not let you go to sleep until he beats the shit out of you." I was shaking from head to toe, and I felt like crying. But instead I nodded. "Go to your room." I nodded again and left.

I closed my door, careful not to slam it, and locked myself in. With the door locked, I felt like I could breathe easier. I collapsed on my bed and started sobbing. I was careful not to be too loud, and not to sniffle. My mother had the ears of a bat. I was regretting writing that stupid diary. I shouldn't have let Jeongin convince me that it was a good idea. 

A good thirty minutes later, dad was back. I heard him unlock the front door and immediately scrambled to unlock my rooms' door. He hated it when I locked my door. He hated it when I had any relative form of privacy. I stepped out of my room. There was no use trying to avoid the beating that was sure to come. Might as well avoid him hitting me in my room. Last time he did, it took me weeks to get the blood out of my white carpet. 

He wasted no time in walking over to me, a belt in his hand. Before I could even say a word, he swung the belt onto my back. I wanted to scream in pain, but I knew that if I did, things would only get worse. 

Instead I kept my mouth shut and endured it.

*****

This is the second chapter I wrote today, and it's nearly midnight. How was it? This was the first angsty chapter I have written in this book. Does this explain Felix's behavior? Do you guys feel bad for him? Was he right to break up with Irene? I'd like to see your points of view. 

Also, do you like Felix's father?

Word count: 880 words.