I Got the Job?

Old Habits: Unannounced Panic

TW: heavy on the ED side, big panic attack, mentions of bad habits, anxiety meds, brief hints of abuse.

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Y/N POV:

She opened her trailer door and inside I was met with Scarlett scrolling through Disney on the temporary TV in our trailers. "Hi sweets" she murmured in the quiet of the room. "Hi Scarlett" I whispered back and rocked on my heels as Lizzie walked to the kitchen area. "What do you want honey" the brunette asked and I tensed up briefly, "Uhm anything really, maybe toast?" I suggested sheepishly and she raised her eyebrows expectantly. "What have you eaten today" she questioned rather intimidatingly and I sucked in a very subtle breath, knowing I now had two pairs of eyes on me.

"I'm not gonna judge but I am gonna make sure you eat accordingly, so I'll ask again. What have you eaten today" she closed the fridge and leant against it. "Two coffees, my vape and a cereal protein bar" I hung my head low and sighed at the silence trying to come up with some shitty excuse. "I was too focused on learning my lines and studying" I mumbled hopeful they'd buy it. The silence was loud. "You sound like my sister" was all that was spoken in the god awful deafening silence and I knew exactly what she meant. I didn't say anything, hell I didn't know what to say so I just stood there awkwardly looking anywhere but them, trying to hide the tremble in my hands.

"Go sit with Scarlett and I'll make you something" she demanded softly and the older actress patted the spot next to her with a soft but concerned smile. "I don't bite Y/n, you can even pick the movie" she held out the remote to me when I still didn't move. I waited a beat before slowly moving myself towards the couch, tucking my legs underneath me and tentatively grabbing the remote off her. "I dont know what to pick" my voice wavered at the unspoken tension in the trailer. "Breathe honey, just pick anything we can zone out to" Scarlett placed a gentle hand on my thigh and I nodded, flipping through until I found a movie I new quite well but hesitated to choose it and skipped past it after a moment of uncertainty.

"Go back, that one's nice, I loved filming it" Scarlett whispered and gave herself a giggle at her own antics, pressing play on 'We Bought a Zoo'. My hands were getting all sweaty and I knew I needed to focus on my breathing, the panic spell I was under still hadn't fully left and I was just so on edge. From the corner of my eye I saw Lizzie come back to the couch with a plate of toast and a bowl of cut up berries. She sat next to me, leaving me in the middle of them and I felt my heart rate pickup. "It's easy and there's no set time to eat it. Ideally, when the movie's done so should you but if you can't it's okay too" she placed it in front of us on the coffee table and leant back grabbing the throw blanket that was off to the side, unfolding it and covering the three of us.

"Thank you" I mumbled and shrunk down underneath the blanket, playing with my rings and counting my fingers to have some sort of control over something. Only a couple of minutes went by before the guilt crept up to me that Lizzie was just trying to be nice and made me something from her own food in her trailer and I can't waste it. I slowly grabbed the bowl of fruit and looked at it taking a quiet breath. I felt Lizzie shift a little closer to me making me tense for a moment but she just grabbed my free hand under the blanket and gave it a squeeze. Half an hour went by and I barely made any progress with my food, god why was it so hard to just eat. I subconsciously furrowed my eyebrows and huffed slightly, going unnoticed by Lizzie but picked up instantly by Scarlett. She let out a sigh and gave me a look as if she was going to scold me. Uh oh.

"You're so young" she commented sadly but I just shrugged her off, "grew up too quick" I replied back to her and self consciously chewed on a strawberry, embarrassed this was being brought up between us again. I felt Lizzie move again and I quickly ate the rest of the strawberry, fear of being scolded. "I'm eating, I am" my now glassy eyes were wide and I took a blueberry this time before her hand stopped mine before I could eat it. "I don't want you to be doing this cause you're scared. That wasn't my intention honey" she spoke with a concerned tone and I looked down at the bowl. It literally looked no different to when she first gave it to me. When did it get this bad? When did I get this bad?

"Sorry" I winced when Scarlett paused the movie and took the bowl away from me, setting it back down on the table. "You've got nothing to apologise for but knowing how you've been acting since we met its a bad habit of yours" she smiled lightly and rubbed me back soothingly. I let out a rattling breath as the air was thick with an unexplained weight. "I'm not sick if that's what you're thinking, I can see both your brains trying to ask questions. I do eat I just forget and now I have a smaller appetite than what I used to" I played with Lizzie's rings as she kept her hand in mine. "That's also a really bad habit sweetheart" she sighed as she turned to face me and Scarlett a little, giving her friend a look I couldn't quite decipher.

"It's been a habit for a while now" I admitted shamefully and my hands were starting to shake again in Lizzie's hold. "A habit we can hopefully lessen" she steadied my hands with a short but firm squeeze, noticing the shakes. "Are you scared right now? Be honest" her voice changed completely, it almost sounded sad. "Anxious" was all she got from me and I heard Scarlett sigh next to me. "How can we help" she asked gently from her spot and I shrugged. "I usually wait it out". Scarlett hummed and Lizzie took my hands and told me to look at her so I did, or well I tried. "Look at me honey" she instructed quietly. My eyes finally reached hers and she just looked at me, trying to gauge where I was at. "I can feel your pulse through your hands darling girl" she murmured and one of her hands came up to my face abusing a small flinch and a ragged breath from me.

"Where have you gone" she cradled my cheek and wiped a stray tear I didn't even know was there. "I don't know" I choked back hoarsely. "Scar can you grab a Gatorade and that little box on the counter" Lizzie asked the actress as she coaxed me though what ever the hell this was. "I saw your meds in your trailer and grabbed them in the middle of your panic attack" she explained as if I was listening to her. My chest was heaving now and it made me slightly panic even more. Wow two in one night? Not a record but not a usual attack. Before i knew it Lizzie was guiding me through taking my medication, I was so out of it I barely noticed her pulling me onto her lap. "Follow my breathing and try and try to focus on the pattern" she ran her nails along me back and Scarlett sat next to her, pulling up the blanket over us.

What a nightmare. How embarrassing. God this is my one chance to meet two of the most well regarded actresses and I'm being a total let down to the night. I felt another hand press gently on my back guiding me to match Lizzie's breathing and I took a shuddering breath trying to follow along, hearing a relieved sigh from the two. "There you are, that's it follow Lizzie" Scarlett's voice was a little clearer and I tightened my grip on Lizzie. "I'm here, just breathe" the brunette kissed the top of my head and continued running her nails down my back. "I'm sorry" I rasped out and took another deep breath. "You're okay my love" Lizzie kept her voice steady and warm when she realised I could breathe again. "Thank you" I whispered but never moved from my spot, closing my eyes briefly at the soothing motion on my back. I'm exhausted and it hasn't even been the first proper day on set. What a joke.