𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬, original

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍

Chapter Eleven
Oklahoma

THE sun was setting on my way from work at the post office downtown to the DeCourcy's, which was just a few houses away. I was happy like I always was when I knew I was going to see Elliot, but I had an extra reason for my emotions. I had finally gotten an A grade on my poems again—my last poem of the semester. My teacher even added a note of "fantastic work."

I knew why I suddenly had such a better grade; I had written it the way he wanted me to, with a happy ending and flowery language. instead of my more natural vulgar, grating tone. It did hurt me a lot to know that my truth wasn't as desirable as my facade, but I preferred to have a better grade than die on that hill. Maybe I wouldn't in another time, a time where I had more energy and less extra-environmental stressors. I was doing better, just like I was every week, but I was slowly beginning to realize that I was never going to be able to be who I was before, to retreat back into Jennifer once this all blew over like I had initially planned. Jennifer was six feet under now, a universe apart. And I didn't necessarily like this version of me better yet, but I could tolerate it. And most days, I wanted to be more strong than weak.

The screen door slammed behind me when I came in to the house, Elliot at the kitchen counter with Jani Lou sitting up on it. She had become more interested in cooking recently, so he had been letting her get her feet wet little by little, helping him stir the bowls of ingredients or measure cups of flour. She was thrilled; she'd be thrilled doing anything with Elliot. He looked up from his diligent mixing of a bowl of pancake batter, cracking a smile.

"Look who's here, Jani!"
"Josie!" She squealed to the point where it was nearly a whistle, Elliot lifting her down before she tried to jump and scampering feet on wood floors until she reached me. She tried to crawl up my legs before I set down my bag of stuff and picked her up.

"Oh my goodness, it's so good to see you!" I exaggerated in the way she liked; we had seen each other within the last 24 hours. "Have you and Elliot been talking 'bout me?"
"Yes! He talks about you all day."
"I do not," he smirks, "our little friend here has learned how to fib. It's gonna be a long 15 years."
I followed behind Jani Lou when she insisted on being put down, ready to hop in to a scene where I felt like a missing piece of the puzzle.

"You still up for a drive after dinner? I can take you to an empty parking lot this time, that should be better."
Elliot had offered to teach me to drive. Back home you could get your license at 16 but Garth didn't want me to. He said it was unladylike to drive because your legs always had to be spread, and he didn't want me running off on him. I had never even taken Drivers Ed in school, I used to cut the class and smoke instead. Elliot had taken me out once a few nights ago, but he said it would be totally fine if I drove around the neighborhood.

WRONG. There were a lot of cars out considering it was 9 am, and I couldn't park to save my life considering his truck was roughly the size of a barge, so all I did was panic. His idea of an empty parking lot sounded much smarter, especially since we would be driving at night.

"Yeah, but you're driving us over there."
"Of course, baby. I won't try to put you on the road again until you feel ready." He kissed my cheek. "You want to help Jani set the table?"
"'Course I do."
When we sat down for dinner about half an hour later, I broke the news about my grade.

"I finally got an A on a poem again! My final one for this class."
"That's amazing!" He took a sip of his sweet tea. "What changed to make you get a better grade? Art is so subjective."
"I played into what he was looking for from me. I don't like to write all flowery, but he prefers that, so I did. He even wrote "great work" on it."
"You shouldn't have to be someone you aren't to get a good grade."
"Sometimes that's what you have to do to survive... to manage."
"Can somebody pass the sugar? I can't reach!" Jani Lou exclaimed, now standing on her dining room chair. She was at that size where she was too big for a high chair but too small for an adult's chair. Her pancakes already had an awful lot of sugar on them, so Elliot wasn't so quick to give in.