Dirty Little Boys

Chapter 3

Fine! We'll name our baby Winston," Kyle shot back at Cartman.

"Pfft. What a faggy name. Kenny should name his fag baby Camel so you'll match." Cartman folded his arms and sneered at Kyle.

"Goddamn it, Cartman. Winston Churchill. Not the cigarettes." Stan put his hand on Kyle's leg and squeezed. The baby was crying full blast.

"Speaking of cigarettes, the babies have a smoke detector inside of them as well. I'll know if you're smoking around the babies! So don't unless…"

"We get it already," half the class yelled at Mr. Garrison. The bell rang. There were only two more periods left in the school day. Maybe the babies would stop crying before it was time to go home. Kyle didn't think it was likely.

"Hey, Kiiiinny. I told you you had STDs." Cartman reached his finger out like he was going to poke Kenny, and drew it back quickly. "You're so gross, Kenny!"

"I'll fucking kill you," Kenny's voice was muffled, but everyone knew he was perturbed. Kenny followed Cartman out the door.

"Wendy, there's no way you can get an A if you let him around your baby," Stan whispered as he, Kyle, and Wendy left their home ec room. Kyle and Wendy were each jostling their babies. They had stopped crying. Craig's baby was crying loudly behind them. Tweek was almost crying as loudly.

"I'm not leaving him alone with Adolfa. He can't do too much harm if I watch him closely. Although, he may surprise me…" Wendy bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brow.

"You're really calling it that?" Kyle fell behind. His next class was the opposite way. Stan and Wendy had their next class together.

"If I let him have his way on something small, he'll be easier to deal with." Wendy looked exasperated. She was probably having second doubts about leaving Jimmy. He would have been more help than Cartman. Then Bebe would have been stuck with the fat ass. Wendy could handle him better than almost anyone else.

Stan patted Kyle and Winston on their heads before following Wendy into their next class. Kyle's next class was with Clyde, Butters, and Tweek. At least they weren't all mothers. Butters' baby had been almost as loud as Craig's though. What if Kyle's baby sensed Butters' baby and they started having a screaming contest? In the middle of AP European History? Dread sunk low in Kyle's stomach.

As soon as Ms. Haus began talking about the Plague, Butters' baby started screaming.

"H-hush, Aran," Butters cradled the baby frantically. He was close to tears himself.

"Aran? What is that?" Clyde leaned forward.

"I-it's her name. It means bread in I-Irish. Th-that way she connects with both me and Kenny!" Butters blushed. He would have rubbed his hands together if they weren't full with the baby doll.

"You do know it's just a doll, right?" Clyde leaned closer to Butters and blew behind his ears. Butters' eyes grew wide and he nervously looked around.

"Have you guys noticed any changes since… uh… Bebe gave us that deodorant?" Kyle couldn't hear Ms. Haus over the sound of Butters'… Aran… crying. He might as well ask them. His doll was snoring lightly against his chest.

Clyde lifted his arm and sniffed his pit. "Hey! It doesn't smell like cheese anymore!" Clyde exclaimed when he brought his head back up.

Cheese? Huh. Kyle looked at Tweek and Butters.

"Gah! D-don't ask me that!" Tweek sniffed his wrist anyway. "S-smells different n-n-ah-now."

"Aw hamburgers, fellas. I d-didn't notice I stunk anyway."