A GUIDE TO DATING MIN YOONGI

Lesson 5: Learn About Yoongi

Service was awkward. Sitting with Yoongi wasn't terrible but it was so obvious that this man has not stepped foot into a church before.
He would whisper to me occasionally and laugh at some of the things the pastor would say. I tried to scoot away from him slightly because we were starting to get a few stares and side eyes.
I didn't want to sit anywhere near him but I'd rather quietly suffer for an hour and a half than have him get to know my parents.
Finally, the last prayer ended and we all got up from our seats.
"Jesus Christ," Yoongi yawned as he started out of the aisle, "literally. I can't imagine doing this every week for my entire life. I'd rather kill myself."
I punch his back, afraid anyone will hear us.
We walk out the front door and I stand at the curb, waiting for my parents to exit. Yoongi waits next to me.
"Aren't you going to leave?" I try to hint at him.
He smooths out his clothes.
"I'm waiting for you. You're coming with me."
I scoff but I realize he's not joking.
"Why do I need to go with you?" And why does he think I'd go with him?
"If you're gonna be a convincing boyfriend, you're gonna have to know things about me." He crosses his arms.
"Why don't you just text me the information? I don't see why I have to be with you to know about you. Honestly, I could just look you up right now." I pull out my phone to type up his name but he covers the screen with his hand.
His eyebrows are scrunched and he lets out a sigh, "Just for an hour," he says, "Just please cooperate for an hour please."
His voice is almost pleading. I almost scrunch my face because it felt so weird to hear him like this. Although, it could just him acting again.
I let my shoulders down, defeated.
"Fine," I grumble, "let me just text my parents."

Mother, Father, I met with a friend I haven't seen in a long time
They insisted I get brunch with them
I'll be home soon

I put my phone away. I know they won't respond too nicely to a simple text message but it's all I could do for now.

***

Of course he drives a Lexus, is what I thought to myself the entire drive to his house. He's rich enough to buy 100 Teslas but he wants to look like he just lives comfortably.
He insisted I sat in the passenger seat and not in the back where he said it was "cluttered". However when I looked behind me, there were just a few stray pieces of trash and a box of shoes on the seat.
But maybe it was a good idea I sat in the passenger seat anyways. The seats were cream colored leather and everything was sleek and smooth. Throughout the entire ride, I kept admiring the cleanliness of the front but afraid to touch anything reflective in case my fingerprint would ruin it.
Yoongi drove until he stopped in a parking lot of a plaza.
"Why're we here?" I ask, "I thought we were headed to your house."
He sat at the drivers seat and checked his reflection in the drop down mirror.
"Well, you have to learn about me and learn how to be a boyfriend so we're going on a date."
I stared at him with my jaw hanging, "you're joking."
He had to threaten me to get into the car with him and now he's insisting I go on a date with him?
He shook his head.
"You never told me this required actually going out in public with you. You just told me you had to convince your parents."
"Yeah but you barely even know my last name, how do you plan to trick my parents when you don't even know anything about me?" He puts the mirror away and turns to me. "You just have to know a few things about me to be convincing so it won't be hard."
"You couldn't just pull up a slide show presentation or something?" I snap.
He ignores my question and gets out of the car. All I want to do is sit here and do nothing but he had walked over to my side of the door and is leaned over to where his face is right against the glass of the window.
I try to pop open the door quickly to slam his perfect little face but of course he dodged it and I'm left with the only option of getting out.
"Ready for our date?" He asks as he locks the car.
"It's not a date." I argue, "It's a hangout okay? We're only dating when your father's there."
His hand touches his chest
"Ouch, I can't believe my own boyfriend doesn't reciprocate my feelings." He said dramatically. It's funny he says this because I know he doesn't have an ounce of romantic feelings towards me.
"Don't call me that," I swat the air next to him, "Let's just go and get something to eat. We can talk about ourselves over food."
He shoves his hands nonchalantly into his pockets and we start walking around the plaza to find a place. The restaurant we settle on is way too expensive looking for my usual taste. It wasn't even technically a restaurant; just a cafe that happened to have a small lunch lunch menu.
I skim through the options, brunch after church always hits the spot.
"By the way, I'm getting the specialty sandwich with an americano." Yoongi suddenly says through the silence and soft jazz in the background.
"And you're telling me this because...?"
"You have to get to know me and what I like to eat." He says, "You should know what foods I like and dislike. Steak, chicken and pasta are some of my favorite foods. But then I would rather die than eat a fucking onion."
He put his menu down and laid his arms onto the table, "you?"
I look back onto the menu, "uh well, my favorite food is probably kimchi and rice and I hate beans. Oh and I'm getting tomato soup and a grilled cheese."
After I'm done talking, he laughs. "Why're you so robotic? This ain't a job interview. Also you're so boring, getting tomato soup and grilled cheese? Really?"
"I've never had it before." I argue, "Also I heard it's really popular in America."
"Yeah that's why it's so basic to get." He replies with a sly smile.
I don't know if he's joking with me but I just ignore his comments anyway.
"Is there anything else I should know about you?" I ask.
"Oh yeah, that reminds me." He reaches his hand to his back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a folded sheet of paper.
He hands it to me and I open it curiously. Inside is a typed letter with information.
"It's about me, if you didn't know already." He explained sarcastically, "Just basic things you should know if you're gonna fool my parents."
I skim through the list and look through his impressive resume that I will definitely be telling Jungkook about later.
"You speak English?"
He nods as if it's a given, "of course, I studied in America for a little bit."
I can't help but be impressed, everything from his schooling to extra-curricular to awards showed he was the perfect fit for a boyfriend.
"What's this?" I ask, pointing to a line in the list that states:
Boyfriend-Choi Jaehyun
"That's going to be your pseudonym." He says.
"What?"
"Pseudonym? Like, a fake name?" I roll my eyes at him.
"I know what a pseudonym is." I retort, "but why do I need one?"
"My dad's Christian, and there's a good chance he either knows your dad or knows someone who knows your dad. If it were me personally, I think saying that I'm dating the son of a priest would definitely get my dad off my ass. But I know you don't want your parents to find out."
I nod my head because why didn't I think of that?
I feel the urge to thank him for being thoughtful but then I remember he's the one who pulled me into this in the first place.
By this point, the waiter had come by to ask for our order. Yoongi orders his sandwich and americano but I decide to change my order to something random.
After ordering, I stare back at the paper, reading my "name" over and over again in my head.
I'm no longer Park Jimin anymore. My life as Choi Jaehyun starts from today.

***

"Where the fuck are you?"
After the meeting with Yoongi, he offered to drop me off at home. I had opened my phone that I left on silent to check for any updates from my parents but instead I was met with missing calls from Jungkook.
"Sorry, I got tangled up in some business, do you still want to meet at your house?" I hold the phone close to my ear as Yoongi starts the engine.
"Actually I'm parked in front of yours." He said bluntly. I stole a glance at Yoongi, he didn't look like he was in a rush to go anywhere.
"Oh,"I replied a bit perplexed to what he was doing there. I put him on speaker while I checked my other texts. I'm relieved I hadn't gotten any from my parents yet.
"Anyways so, what business got you so busy?" The line asked, "was it that girl that your mom's trying to set you up with?"
I let out a deep sigh and rub my tired eyes, "It's not that. I'll tell you about it when I get there."
"Oh my god, was it the hot gay dude from the bar? The son of the CEO? Yumgi?"
A snicker emits from beside me.
"No! It's not him. I'll...I'll tell you when I get there okay?"
I quickly hang up the call and tell Yoongi the directions to my place. He types it into his phone and allow the gps voice guide him onto the road. There's a silence between us that I try to ignore. I go on my phone and mindlessly swipe left and right between my home screens as if I'm busy doing something.
Finally Yoongi says. "So, you think I'm hot?" His words are thrown into the silence so abruptly, it gives me no time to process his words.
"No, well yes? I mean, you're conventionally attractive but not my type at all." I stutter out. I can feel my face flush while I wait for his reply. He lets the silence settle again like fallout. I can feel myself holding my breath with every lingering second.
"Not your type, huh..." he finally says, almost to himself, "Well that's fine. As long as you can act like I am."
I let out the breath I was holding slowly and non-conspicuously.
It seems as though Yoongi wants to break the deafening quiet atmosphere and goes to play some music. He taps a playlist titled Favorites on the screen and soft classical music starts to play from the speakers. I'm almost taken aback when Chopin starts playing. From the way he talks to the way he dresses, it feels almost wrong that he listens primarily to classical music. He nods his head slowly as if he's really understanding the depth of Nocturne in E Flat. This guys really is just full of surprises.
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