You Feel Like Home

Chapter 23: Their Kitchen Convo

~Avyansh~

This photo, this photo that Orchid had gifted me today isn't just a photo. It was a piece of my heart and whole heart of my teenage version. This is how I had assumed my passing out day to be like, always. Dad wasn't just my Dad, he was my idol, my mentor, both my reason and inspiration to join armed forces. The teenager Avyansh who always used to sit in front of the TV watching his Dad make passed out Commandos wearing their badges wanted the same for himself.

I still remember the day very clearly when I was leaving for my training, Dad was so happy and proud, even more than Mom. He had that trust in me that one day I'll be a great commando, one who was even better than him. But when today I am a commando, I save people, I see everyone around me being proud of me and saying that they're proud of me, I just wish Dad was also one of them. Though like Orchid said, he's watching me from up and would be proud of me but I can't see it. I couldn't see the pride in his eyes to see his son in the commando uniform. And that'll be a void in my heart, always.

The photo was edited quite well and there was no chance to say it's edited in the first glance and it is, truly, one of the most cherished moments of my life. Although I badly wanted it to be real, the edited one still was giving me a sense of relief. At least he had this proud look on his face.

I brushed my fingers on the photo one last time before keeping it with the other photos that Orchid had printed out to hang in the frames, then moved out of our room. I went to Orchid who had started preparing the things needed for baking the Arushi special brownies for the bonfire night, after our lunch. She turned around when she felt my presence in the kitchen. “Ansh, you want something?”, she asked and I shook my head, quietly taking a place against a nearby slab. She again went back to her baker mode, her hands skillfully worked to prepare the batter as I stood there watching her silently with my unsaid words clouding my mind.

This went on for a while until I walked up to her and hugged her from back. It wasn't too often I showed this side of mine to someone but I needed that right now. I could never show this side to Mom as well, she was already handling her own grief, how could I burden her more with mine. Although she knows, it doesn't take time for a mother to know what's going on with her children. Orchid froze on her movements when I snuggled my face in crook. But she was quick to compose herself and run her fingers in my hair. I can't explain the level of solace it gives to my soul.

“Ansh, you only taught me na letting out is important, no matter what the emotion is. Let it out, I'm right here if you need me”, she softly implored, letting her hand work on my hair. I leave a soft sigh, holding her tighter in my arms. “I miss him, a lot. And this photo, it was the only dream teenager Avyansh had always seen, to wear his first badge from his Dad's hands. I was in my training when Dad went into a mission and got back wrapped in our tricolor. Just a few days were left for my exam then my passing out day, I was so excited for that specific badge wearing ceremony, literally counting each day as it spent. And suddenly I got the news of Dad, it was so shattering that the next few days, I was feeling nothing but numbness in me. About every emotion, every single thing. It was the last phase of my training so I couldn't go back home as well, the most I could afford to do as a cadet was call at home and talk to Mom, for exact 10 minutes. That too was given as a show of respect to Dad's bravery and keeping my track record in check. My passing out parade, I had to lead it but I couldn't gather myself to the point to hold the flag and lead the parade. Every time I even tried to practice it, all I could remember was Dad being wrapped in the tricolor. I could just imagine his last face because I didn't see it not in person or in other way”

I gulped the lump forming in my throat. I wasn't crying but my eyes had surely turned moist and the best way to hide it from her was to snuggle more in her crook. Although she turned around after a minute and hugged me. Our height difference was cute until she had to now stand on her toes to let me snuggle in her crook like I wanted. I tried to back off seeing her struggling to match with my height but she held me back, “Stay, it's fine”