Atsushi one shots / ONE /

|| 65 pounds || ed ||

Tw: ed/ bulimia/ anorexia/

Words 2118

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Atsushi bent over the toilet for the 7th time today, and stuck his fingers in his mouth until he gaged. He repeated this process a few times before nothing but acid came back up. He came out of his bathroom flushing the toilet.
Ever since he started doing this again his voice has become raspy, he started talking less as it became hard to talk. He had done it since he was young, around 12 years old. But it wasn't as bad as it was now. He used to be healthy. He was better than healthy. But he wasn't pleased with the way he looked he wanted to be thin. He wanted to look in the mirror and not be disappointed at what he sees. He had problems with eating, he couldn't stop eating. He hated that about himself. He wanted to feel fit. If he couldn't stop eating, then he'd make sure the food he ate didn't take effect on his body. That's why he's bulimic now. And that's how I'd been for the last 6 years.

Atsushi has become extremely frail and small. He had lost so much face fat.. and fat in general. At some point he was able to control his eating. He went from binging to barely eating, only having lunch with the ada. But even so he threw that up too. He was pleased with the way he looks but there came consequences. His hair was frail and didn't grow fast or almost at all. Instead it was slowly falling out. He was constantly cold. He'd have to use the ada bathroom if he ate, keeping his gags down or trying not to stay in there to long to not be suspicious was hard. But there's no way he could stop now. He was way too far to stop now.

He bought a scale to track his weight. He hardly weighed 60 pounds. He wants to weigh less. He. wanted to feel better about himself. But can't see that he was on the verge of collapsing.

Atsushi has slowly become more and more weak. Not as energetic, not so talkative, and could nearly hold himself up. But he couldn't show that. He had to pretend he was fine so he could get away with his problem.

Atsushi was extremely ill today. He came to work looking like he just got out of bed. Actually he didn't even sleep in his bed. Right when he got home he passed out on the floor. He came in later than dazai did, which was L.A.T.E. Kunikida was going to say something, but reframed as atsushi looked like he just went through the worst mental crisis of his life. Nobody spoke to him in fact. But that was only a good thing for him. He got used to not talking, anytime he'd talk it be instant regret as his voice as raspy and it hurt like a witch's ass on a monday morning. Usually he'd be able to cover up and act normal, but today he just couldn't.

Throughout the day Atsushi looked like he was about to collapse right then and there, he almost fell asleep 3 times. And he did. He fell asleep with his head on his desk. But they let him sleep because he obviously needed it. At some point he had to wake up. He jolted up suddenly, surprising the people around him. It took him a few minutes to regain his thoughts just looking into nowhere. Until he realized he fell asleep. Expecting a lecture from kunikida but didn't get one. Dazai had been looking at him worried all day. Atsushi checks the time realizing he'd been asleep a for 2 hours. It was 2:00pm. It was around the time he usually did his 4th purge of the day. He got up slowly and prepared to stand up.

He held his breath and walked to the bathroom. Sucking in his stomach to silence its growling. He made it to the bathroom bent over the toilet and shoved 2 fingers down his throat. He gagged for a bit before straight stomach acid came back up. mentally he felt proud of himself, physically he felt like shit. He came back up and looked at himself in the mirror feeling around his stomach making sure it was as small as possible.

He came out and ranpo, who had been wwondering what was wrong with him the whole day, was standing outside the door. Eyes open with a worried expression.
"What?"
Atsushi said, making an attempt to lie, but it's ranpo, there's no way he could lie.
"Atsushi.. Why would you do that? You're already on the verge of collapsing."
"..."
Atsushi stayed quiet, not saying anything.
"I'm fine."
"What do you mean, I'm Fine."
Atsushi believed he was fine, even though his body felt like it could die at any second of every day.
"I thought It was weird the way you were acting today. Your body is exhausted Atsushi. You need to eat and keep it down."
"Fuck off I'm fine."
Atsushi gets frustrated and pushes ranpo slightly out of his way and walked back to his seat next to dazai. Who was looking at him the whole time.
"What happened over there."
"nothing he just caught me taking a shit. Got mad at me cuz he doesn't want to go in after me."
Atsushi's new usual raspy voice came out. Dazai chuckled.
"You seemed more mad at him."
"I was mad because he was making a big deal out of it."
The conversation ended there as he got back to the pile of papers on his desk. They should have been gone by now and taken to the station but he fell asleep of course.