all the stars aligned

weary bones caught the chill - part 3 (tw)

hey guys i'm sorry this took so long and i'm gonna switch the pov a bit now (still third person tho) bc i feel like i'm kind of repeating myself with taylor's inner monologue. also trigger warning for eating disorders, self harm and mental illness. remember you are loved and if anyone wants to talk my dm's are open. enjoy :)

Everything was a blur. The rooms colours were blending together, as if smudged by an artists hand. The only thing the he could make out were her eyes. Big, glassy. They were fearful, a childs frightened gaze. It was the first time in a while that they had stood in silence. As the room cleared, and the colours separated, he stared at the woman before him. He noticed things that he hadn't seen before. The way her cheeks were sunken, and the gathering of darkness that rested just below her eyes. Her arms looked twig-like, as if they could be snapped by the smallest of forces. The blood that was staining at the top of her pajama pants, and the trails of bruises up her thighs.

She was shaking now, her eyes growing wider with each second that Travis left silent. Her breath quickening with every word that he left unspoken. Finally, Travis moved towards her, and found the words that he had been searching for.

"Are you okay?"

She pushed herself against him, shaking her head as she rested it on his chest. He put an arm around her and hesitantly brought his hand down to her thigh. She remained silent.

"Taylor.."

His voice was barely a whisper. He knelt down, his eyes drifting towards the streaks of blood on her shorts. She tried to hide her thigh, but he gently caught her wrist, stopping her. His touch was so tender, so careful. His kindness was so pure. A purity she didn't feel she deserved. It made her want to cut all over again.

"Please don't," her voice broke, and his chest tightened, "don't look."

"I have to, Tay. I want to understand what's happening."

He lifted the hem of her pants gently, revealing the fresh cuts. His breath hitched and he clenched his jaw as he tried to remain strong.

"I'm going to clean it, okay?"

She nods and he gently picks her up, placing her on top of the sink. She bites the inside of her cheek and pulls down her pants, wincing as her waistband grazes the cut.

Fuck, he thought, it's so deep.

He wet a small towel and dabbed the her thigh, more blood appearing as quick as he was wiping it away. He knew that he should say something but he didn't know what. His mind raced with questions that he wanted answers to but knew he couldn't ask.

Why did you do it? Have you done it before? Is it something I did? Are you okay? Should I get help? Should I call someone? A doctor? Your Mom? Tree? How do I make it better? How do I fix it?

How do I fix you?

Instead of putting any of these thoughts into words, he asked a simpler, easier question.

"Does it hurt?"

She let out a breath, as if somewhat comforted by the absence of inquiry.

"Yes," her voice was weak, and Travis had to concentrate to make out what she was saying, "a lot."

Then why did you do it?

"I'll get you some aspirin and a bandage."

She nodded and he got up, picking up the razor and taking it with him. When he came back he was balancing a glass of water, a packet of pills, some new pajama shorts and a first aid kit in his hands.

They were silent while he dressed her wound, but for different reasons. Taylor was quiet because she was trying her hardest to figure out what he was thinking. Travis was quiet because he had just noticed four thin scars on her thigh, just like the one she had left today.

So she had done it before.

His heart broke in a million different places, but he had to stay strong. He had noticed she seemed a bit off lately, but would never have expected this. He should have seen it sooner. If anything this was his fault.

They sat in silence for a while before Travis realised that it was worse to not say anything then to be careful about what you say.

"Taylor," she looked up and met his eyes, the childlike fear from before returning. "We need to talk about this."

She nodded, as if she knew the silence was only temporary.

"Do you want to speak first or do you want me to."

She stopped for a moment before saying "I will."

She pulled up the new pajama shorts and he helped her down from the sink. They made there way into the bedroom and got settled on the bed before she spoke.

"When you and I aren't together, sometimes I spiral." Her voice was flat and reserved. He gently rubbed her arm as she spoke, urging her to keep going.

"I have these thoughts. The only way to make the thoughts go away is if I-"

She paused, her voice cracking. She gestured towards her newly bandaged thigh and her voice trailed off.

He held her tighter, his chest tightening. "What kind of thoughts, Tay? I want to understand."

She swallowed and looked up at him. "Bad thoughts."

He tentatively pushed more. "About what?"

"About everything." her eyes glanced back and forth, as if searching the room for words. "You, sometimes. Mostly about eating."

Of course. Taylor used to struggle a lot with eating. She didn't have dinner last night, even though it was her favorite. I'm such an idiot.

Travis wrapped his arms around her before speaking- trying to understand what was happening to her.

"And you said that to block out those thoughts, you- you hurt yourself."

She takes a shaky breaths and nods. Travis's heart shatters. He wanted  to reach into her head and disarm the bomb that was ticking away.

"Tay?" She looked up and met his eyes. "How long has this been happening?"

"Trav - can we not?" She quipped, pulling a blanket over her shoulder as if dismissing him. "I'm tired - let's just go to bed."

There was silence for a few seconds. "Okay, Tay."

They rolled over and went to bed.

Taylor didn't sleep that night.

Travis didn't sleep either.

I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY THAT TOOK SO LONG I HAD EXAMS!!! I hope you liked it and if you have anything at all that you want me to write- any ideas for new chapters - pls comment bc I'm hitting a writers block and I have no idea how to write happy characters so if you want happy chapters I need prompts 🫠

ok thanks for reading xx