The Love She Longed To Have - A SHIVIAN STORY

Chapter 2 - I NEED TO LEAVE

TRIGGER WARNING - ABUSE

*PING*

"For fuck sake. R*ger." I exhaled. He never left me alone. I couldn't get one moment of peace. I wanted my life back, my body back. Control. But I knew better than that. I was never gonna be able to leave him because he could ruin my life in one swift move, his words.

As the day went on, all I could think about was that black haired parent. The way her eyes sparkle, the she smiles from ear to ear. Her smile is beautiful. I wish I had a reason to be smiling that wide.

TIME SKIP:
The parent was late, which I wasn't happy about since that means R*ger is not going to be happy with me when I get home. I'm scared to go home. I know what awaits behind the closed doors that nobody ever sees. I need help.

P - "Hiya! So sorry I'm late!"
S - "What kind of excuse could possibly explain you being this late?"
P - "Cardiac Arrest?"

She's a nurse. Wow even more things to admire about her. I can't help but wonder if she likes women as well. I keep up a strong front though, a façade.

S - "You're a nurse then?" I replied sounding less than amused.
P - "Yes I am, now I'm sorry I was late, I will collect Jamie and be on my way, goodnight Siobhan"

I want her. I need her. I just know that she's everything I desire to have in a partner, a best friend, a soulmate. I've never been one to believe in love at first sight, but with her.. there's no doubt about it.

After she left I went onto Jamie's documents to know more about her. Her name specifically, I'm not a creep. 'Vivian' "Pretty name" I said out loud, probably too loud for my liking.

TIME SKIP ( SIOBHAN HAS ALREADY ARRIVED HOME )
I decided, I was going to stay at my grandma's tonight. She needed some help and I thought I'd take the chance to stay over, get away from R*ger. But also to see her, I don't see her much. But I knew her time was coming, so I tried to see her as much as R*ger would allow me too. It was getting pretty late at night as I took myself for a shower. As I let the water that was turned onto the hottest setting burn his touch off my skin, I cried silently, becoming as numb as possible. I can't stay in this relationship. I'm struggling. I'm dying. I just want to be happy again, have a secure life. The sting of the water hitting all of my open wounds done by R*ger, it wasn't a good sting. It reminded me that I'm still alive enduring the pain that he's causing me daily. I didn't want to do it anymore. I couldn't hold on. Pulling myself together, I hopped out of the shower. I put on the most loose clothing I could find as my body ached all over. I got into bed and curled myself up into a ball falling asleep almost pretty much straight away because I was so tired.

I had the day off work today. R*ger was out with his friends doing whatever it is they do, so driving home was peaceful knowing he wasn't going to be there. He wouldn't be home till late, which I was thankful about. All day I was thinking about that Vivian. I just couldn't get her to leave my mind. I didn't mind though because at least I wasn't freaking out about R*ger coming home.

TIME SKIP ( later ish around 6pm )
I decided since I wasn't going to see R*ger for another few hours that I would take myself to the bar. I had already had a few drinks at home but I didn't want to be there. Seeing certain corners or rooms of the house made me panic and have flashbacks of the worst times he put his hands on me. I wasn't supposed to go out, but I didn't care anymore. I knew I wasn't going to make it out of this relationship alive and I was done fighting. I was ready to go.

As I'm downing shot after shot trying to drink all my sorrows away, I look around to find the bathroom. Through the cloud that seemed to cover my sight, I stumbled into the bathroom. All of a sudden, I start balling my eyes out. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see straight, think straight, stand straight. I hold onto the bench for some support to hold myself up right. I hear a toilet flush. 'Shit' I thought to myself. I can't let anyone see me like this, but at this point. I really couldn't care less. It's not like anyone would stop in their tracks to make sure I was okay anyway, right?

"Siobhan, you okay darling?" I heard a familiar voice...