The Love She Longed To Have - A SHIVIAN STORY

CHAPTER 10 - MY VIV

TRIGGER WARNING -  MENTIONS OF ABUSE, SH.

SIOBHAN IS NOW OUT OF THE HOSPITAL - BACK AT VIVIANS - SIOBHANS POV:

I was still really out of it. I slept in the car a little bit as Vivian held my hand letting me know I'm not alone and I'm safe. I feel bad. Vivian wasn't meant to catch me. She wasn't meant to see me like that. I hope I haven't scared her off and that she's just helping me cause she feels bad. I try so hard to put up my guard but seeing Vivian honestly just makes my mind foggy. She's so beautiful. When I'm with her everything disappears. My hatred, my nerves, I just turn into what feels like jelly around her. I am head over heels for this woman.

We went back to her house as I couldn't be at mine. Seeing the outside of the house, R*ger's room, every wall he's ever pushed me up against. I couldn't do it. When we got to her front door I started feeling a bit stiff. I think Vivian noticed because as she turned the key she had one hand on my lower back, rubbing it to calm me down. I don't know why I'm so scared. I don't feel right.

Vivian has been great. So supportive and makes sure I'm comfortable and that I'm okay. She makes me feel things I thought I could never feel. She made me dinner and we sat on the sofa watching Clueless.. My favourite Rom Com. I love Romantic Comedies, but I also loathe them. I desire to have a relationship like how its portrayed like on TV, but knowing that I can't because I'm stuck with R*ger kills me everyday. I know that if I were to ever have the chance to experience true love, or love like in the movies.. It'd be with my Viv. I know she would hand me the world on a platter if that was possible. She'd protect me even at times where she can't protect herself. She already does. She puts me before herself, which annoys me but I do appreciate her for being so soft and caring

With R*ger, it isn't love, its lust for him. Its always about sex and how I need to be reminded who I belong to, that no matter where I go he's always going to have control over me.. somehow. With Vivian, where do I even start? I'm so in love with her, it hurts, even more so knowing I can't be with her. I need to leave R*ger first. Vivian is so gentle. Patient. All the qualities she has, is what I cherish, what I need in a relationship. How can someone be so beautiful, yet to feisty at times and still be perfection in every aspect in life.

After dinner and the movie we headed up stairs to start getting ready for bed. I planned to sleep in the guest room, after having a shower, Vivian let me wear her black, silk pyjamas. After getting dressed I continued getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth and doing everything else. I walked into the guest room getting into bed. Vivian walks in about 5 minutes later putting a glass of water on the bedside table.

"Goodnight Siobhan, if you need anything I'm only down the hall."

"Night, Viv, thank you. Sleep well"

And with that I tried to go to sleep. Tossing and turning for around an hour, I got fed up. I missed Vivian. I walked down the hallway being as quiet as I possibly could. I grabbed one of the hoodies she wore earlier that day and put it on so I can feel closer to her. I got into bed with her, instantly relaxing, feeling sleepiness run through my body.

VIVIANS POV:

As the night came to an end me and Siobhan started getting ready for bed. After having a shower I lent her some of my pyjamas. She suited them, the way it sat over her body hugging her curves. She was almost irresistible. I went down stairs to get her a cup of water to put beside her so if she woke up during the night thirsty, she'd have something to drink.

"Goodnight Siobhan, if you need me I'm only down the hall." I said as I lent up against the door frame.

"Night Viv, thank you. Sleep well" "You too"

I closed the door to the guest bedroom walking back up the hall to mine. I missed her already. I hopped into bed and started reading. Siobhan wouldn't leave my mind, making it hard to read. Eventually I decided to put my book up and I drifted off to sleep.