The Love She Longed To Have - A SHIVIAN STORY

CHAPTER 5 - IT'S BAD AGAIN

TRIGGER WARNING - MENTIONS OF ABUSE

"Oh no. Shit, shit, shit!" I said as quietly as I could but obviously not quiet enough.

Vivian woke up. "Siobhan what's wrong, come here"

"I'm so sorry to leave like this Vivian. But I have to go, thank you for everything, really. I'll call you about going out for coffee."

"At-least let me give you a lift"

"No its okay, I'll manage" Panic running through my voice.

"I Insist Siobhan, you're not walking out there alone."

I agreed and hoped in the car with her.

Once we got back to the bar where my car was parked, she got out of the car with me and she gave me a warm hug goodbye. I could get used to this. I buried my head into her neck one last time, taking in her scent. I was going to miss her. The security I felt with her was indescribable.

"Thank you, Vivian"

"Darling, its okay. If you need me, call me. I'll be here for you always, and if you ever need help with Mr Persistent, I've got your back."

"I should really get going now.. Bye Viv I lo- I'll see you soon."

I hope she didn't catch the slip up.

VIVIANS POV: *THEY'VE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW*

Siobhan is so beautiful. She's so sweet and sensitive aside from the hard front she puts on. I like Siobhan, but she's with the wanker, R*ger. I hope one day she'll get the courage to leave. She deserves to be safe, she deserves to be treated like she's the only person in the world. Being spoilt rotten, given lots of comfort, words of affirmation. She deserves it all. I want her. But does she even like women? I've heard what the parents say about her, specially on her more homophobic views. But it could be "the call is coming from inside the house" kind of situation. One day I will show her how she's meant to be treated, whether that be in a best friend way or more. It broke my heart to know what R*ger has been putting her through, I'm thankful that she trusted me enough with her secret. It honestly looked terrible. It was so dark and had shown no signs of healing, only progression.

She takes my breath away. The way she walks, the way she has her hands on her hips as she talks to people, the way she plays with the ends of her hair when she gets nervous. I cannot get enough of her. I could stare at her all day.

That night when she slept over, when we were sleeping, I had woken up to her stirring, nothing happened I think she was just trying to get comfortable. Watching as her chest rose and fell calmed me. Knowing that she was safe that night and didn't go home drunk as fuck to just get abused by her partner. I didn't want her to go home. I knew he was waiting for her arrival, but I understand if there was ever a chance of her leaving she'd have to go home anyway.

I hope she calls me to hang out for coffee. I have so much I want to say to her, so much I want to talk about. I miss her. I miss her voice. I could listen to it endlessly. I know I've not known her for long but I think I'm really starting to fall for her. I get butterflies every time I think about her, or I smell her scent on my pillow, or when I'm doing things that remind me of her. I haven't felt these feelings for anyone since me and my wife divorced a few years ago. It was heart breaking of course but healthy, its what was needed. I think Siobhan was really the one, I could just feel it. The way I feel about her and the way I admire and look at her, I felt like a silly teenager again.

One day I'll make a move, but I knew now wasn't the time. Plus I need to figure out if she likes me back.

SIOBHAN POV:

Over the last few weeks I have been really struggling. R*ger's gotten worse and I've never wanted to leave more. I want to be with Vivian. I miss her. I haven't been able to call her because R*ger hasn't let me use the landline or my phone when I'm home. I've wanted nothing more then to see her beautiful face again, hear her calming voice and feel her gentle touch. I knew I needed to leave R*ger, that's why I've been utilising my time alone to slowly pack. Slowly enough to where he's not going to notice. Next Sunday he's going on a trip with his friends and I'm not going as he says that "I already get enough in this relationship and he deserves a break"

I don't know where I'll go, but that doesn't matter to me. As long as I'm away from R*ger, I'm satisfied. I don't know how much more I can take from him before I decide to give up entirely. Every corner of this house is haunted, haunted by the memories of all the tears and pain he's made me endure. I know I have to leave when he does, I can't be in this house alone.