Shelbyville

Chapter 41

Kyle had left shortly after the commencement of our activities. I had pretended to be asleep to avoid an awkward departure, it was the cowardly way, but the last few months at Shelbyville had done nothing by proved that I lacked assertion. I was grateful that he hadn't stayed, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. As soon as I heard the click of the door latching between us, I was on my feet securing the lock preventing him from returning.

I decided I needed to eradicate all traces of his presence in a frantic effort to absolve myself from any shame. I'm not like Stacey. I returned the discarded throw pillows to their pointless decorative position on the couch. I picked up my clothes as if they were diseased and tossed them into my dirty laundry hamper. My stomach grumbled reminding me it had been hours since I had last eaten, but food was the last thought on my mind.

What would I say to James? Nothing, absolutely nothing, there was nothing to tell. I picked up my phone checking to see if he had left a voicemail or a text message, but nothing just the notification that he had tried to call. My empty stomach was filled with guilt temporarily silencing the growling, and replacing it with nausea. I wasn't ready to talk to him, not yet. I set my phone down and resolved to shower, I needed to cleanse myself of the decisions I had made. I'm not like Stacey.

The steam from the shower curled around my body providing me with temporary comfort as the hot water pelted my weary muscles. Did I just complicate the one ally I had at Shelbyville? Did I jeopardize an already tumultuous friendship? Could I even call it a friendship after what we just did? I didn't bother washing my hair since it was still damp from the previous one, but I did use a salt scrub to remove any remnants of Kyle off my body. I rubbed the textured grit on my skin with such rigor it made me sore, but the silky-smooth texture after I rinsed it off my body was rewarding.

I switched off the shower and toweled off my body regretful at the reddened tone my skin had morphed into instead of my normal cream complexion. I hoped it was attributed to the hot temperature of the water and not from my overzealous exfoliation. The lotion soothed my skin as I applied it generously to my body, I was stalling. I didn't want to talk to James, I didn't know what I would say. I missed him, but if I did, why did I sleep with Kyle? Was I trying to fill some void? Was this a result of the emotional baggage I still carried around from my relationship with Andrew? Was I just using it as a crutch?

I slipped on a pair of shorts and a comforting tee shirt before retrieving my cellphone off the coffee table. I stared at the couch and decided to sit on the floor instead. It was late enough in the morning that James might be sleeping, I tested that theory by typing out a generic text message in greeting and sent it. My body was exhausted, but I knew that I wasn't ready yet for sleep, not at the ferocity that my mind was working.

The events of the previous night ruminated through my mind. I had that familiar feeling of disgust that I got every morning that I awoke in a drunken stupor trying to recall the events of the night. Except, last night I wasn't drunk, and unfortunately, I remembered everything. The moan Kyle emitted when he pressed against me, the sounds of pleasure Stacey's wife made in response to being reunited with her husband, his eyes, those golden predatory eyes. Stacey was on the forefront of my mind, almost as much as Kyle was. I knew I wouldn't be able to banish him completely from thoughts, but I would force myself to not think about my embarrassing interruption of his acts of intimacy with this wife.

Why was Stacey's wife gleaming information about my personal life? Why were they unearthing secrets of the past? I knew it had to be part of a sinister plot, but for what purpose? Was it to torment me? What leverage did Stacey need over me? I had rebelled against Dr. Morrison's request to modify my documentation granting Stacey his conjugal visit at the consequence of me not getting my recommendation for Vanderbilt. I had fulfilled my moral obligation to not lie, but it came with a price everything always did, now it seemed that enduring the tortures of working at Shelbyville was all in vain, there was no reward at the end of this journey, no letter of recommendation no reprieve for all my hard work. As if that wasn't bad enough, Stacey continued to prove to be relentless, there was no gratitude or appreciation for what I had been through. He had gotten what he had wanted, what more did he need from me? Why did he need to continue to meddle in my personal affairs?