Absurdist Phone Guy Stuffed in a Suit

10 - Manhunt 3

Fritz Smith

As soon as he stepped foot into the pizzeria, Fritz felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Not even a year had passed since he'd last entered the building, and yet it felt like nearly a lifetime ago. He had fond memories of visiting when he was younger, and he felt some of his joy be rekindled now that he was free to take in the atmosphere once again without the constant threat of being mauled by the animatronics. He chuckled – now he knew what it was like from both perspectives. Fritz shook his head – there were much more pressing matters at hand, and he could reminisce later.

He tried to be stealthy as he slowly approached the night guard's office, but despite his best efforts, his mechanical body's lumbering footsteps broke the eerie quiet of the pizzeria. As he moved through the building, he couldn't help but notice the disturbing lack of animatronics. He checked the party room to his right, and after a quick inspection, moved on to the one on his left. Before he could look it over, he was interrupted by his Walkie-Talkie crackling to life.

"Fritz? What the hell are you doing in there? This wasn't part of the plan!"

He quickly moved the Walkie-Talkie to his mouth and let out a sharp whisper in response. "Quiet! They'll hear me if you make too much noise."

With that problem (hopefully) resolved, he returned to the task at hand, giving the room a quick sweep. Halfway through his search, he was interrupted once again.

"Hello!? Is someone the- AAAHHGG" A voice cried out, ending in a panicked scream.

Fritz tensed upon hearing this, trying to pinpoint the location of who he assumed was the night guard. Before he could act, he heard a series of thuds emanating from inside the party room, and after a few seconds a vent cover in the far corner of the room violently burst open, revealing a clearly-frenzied night guard. The person in front of him was panting, and after taking a few seconds to catch their breath, stood up and pointed their flashlight towards the room's exit... and froze in shock at the sight of the equally-surprised animatronic blocking the doorway.

"Oh no. No no no no NO! Please no." The man pleaded, the beginnings of tears glinting in what little light was available as his expression quickly became one of pure terror.

The man's response brought Fritz back to that horrible night – he could still vividly recall the way the world seemed to crumble as he realized that was the night he would die, and that he was utterly powerless to stop it. But this time was different – he wasn't facing the cold execution of a mindless machine's programming, or even the wrath of a vengeful spirit. He was facing Fritz, and painful as it was that his mere presence could cause someone such distress, he had no intentions of harming the night guard.

Slowly, he took a lumbering step towards the sobbing night guard, who was now hiding under one of the party tables. Fritz would have found the contrast between the cheery designs amusing if the situation weren't so serious. Slowly, he kneeled down until he was eye-level with the guard, who promptly scurried away until his back was against the wall.

"P-please go away. You don't have to- I mean, if you reall- why do you want..." The night guard began babbling incoherently, thoughts moving like wildfire through his panicked mind.

Fritz didn't want to scare the guard any further, but he didn't know how to do it without saying something, and he wasn't entirely sure whether talking would hurt or help the situation. In the end, he decided to bite the bullet. "What happened?" Fritz asked.

"I think maybe- what?" The night guard stood still, still processing what Fritz had said (or rather, that Fritz had said something at all).

Maybe humor would work better? At the very least, it shouldn't make things worse, and jokes always helped him cope with difficult situations. With a fox-like grin, Fritz tried his best to calm the guard down. "The last night's always the worst, hah. Or so I've been told – I only made it to Thursday. So, what happened? It's only been a short while, but something's already gone wrong."