Trigger Warning: Death
Mommy
"Arri, meet your tita helena and her daughter Ellena, your sister."
That's what my dad said. I was standing on the last step of our staircase when dad introduced to me his new found wife with a daughter that was 1 year younger than me.
I don't know how to react, my expression could obviously tell right now that I'm not liking this conversation and what's happening right now. But I know even if I contest this, daddy will not care.
And it makes me mad, how come he can easily find a new woman to replace mom in his life. How come?.. while me? Still suffering and grieving for my mother's death.
It's only been 1 year since my mother died. And my dearest father right here, just bring a bitch and a child into our house. And I can't accept it.
My mother drowned. Matagal bago natagpuan ang katawan, at ng makita at naiahon sa tubig, she was declared dead. It was all shocking news to my father, to my family, and to me. I can't believe that she died because of drowning, for all I know, my mother is a great swimmer. That's why I cannot accept the fact that my mother died because she drowned.
But despite that, I can't seem to cry. My whole family is mourning, my dad's crying non stop inside their room and infront of my mother's coffin.
I didn't cry, until the end. I was just there, staring at my mother's coffin, her grave, and to everyone who is mourning for my mother.
I didn't cry in my room when I was alone.
I was just there... staring at nothing. Quiet and not speaking to anyone.
I just don't....know why. What will happen now that mom is gone?
I am close to my mother, I tell everything to her. And now that she's gone, I don't know anymore where I will tell what happened to my day. Kanino ko sasabihin na nanaginip ako ng hindi maganda. Kanino ko sasabihin ang mga achievements ko. Kanino ko sasabihin na may magandang nangyari sa araw ko. Kanino ko sasabihin ang mga bago kung paboritong gawin, ang kulay na gusto ko, ang amoy na gusto ko, ang pagkain na gusto ko, ang mga hindi ko gusto. Kanino ko sasabihin ang mga pangamba ko. Kanino?
Wala, simula ng araw na iyon; alam kong wala na akong mapag sasabihan ng mga 'yon. Ang mga hinaing ko ay mananataling sa akin na lamang. Starting that day, I know...I know that I will be comforting myself from that day on.
I am also close with my dad. Pero dahil sa trabaho at palaging wala sa bahay ay medyo hindi ako nakakapag sabi at nakakapag kwento sa kan'ya. Pero kapag mayroon naman s'yang oras ay walang tigil ang pagsasabi ko sa kan'ya ng lahat lahat na nasabi ko sa aking ina. Pero kahit ganoon, higit pa rin ang pagiging malapit namin ni mommy.
Akala ko after the accident magiging mas malapit ako sa pamilya ko, lalo na sa mga pinsan ko. Turns out not.
And now that my mother is gone. I feel like I lost a father too. He became more busy at work, in our businesses. Madalang ang pagkikita o bonding namin. Naging malayo sa isa't isa hanggang sa nasanay na akong ganoon na nga pang habang buhay.
At some point, I understand. That maybe he's only doing that for my future, for our businesses success, and to also move on.
Not until he announced to us that he's getting married again. Everyone was shocked, especially me.
Akala ko may tututol at magagalit sa pamilya ko. Pero tangina. They all cheered for him, and for the new woman. They're all happy. Ang sabi'y masaya sila at sa wakas naka move on na. Maganda raw na may asawa para mayroong mag alaga kapag may sakunang mangyare.
