take two | VMIN | BTS

state of grace

“Uh hey.”

Taeri had just opened her bedroom door and was greeted by a very flustered Kim Taehyung. His hands were closed around a takeaway coffee cup. “I uh…” he mumbled. “Got you this.”

Four words. That’s more than he had said to her in 7 years.

Taehyung held out the cup to her. “Bubblegum ice tea. Your favourite, right?”

Six words.

“Uh not since I was 18.”

“Oh okay.” That was fair. She wasn’t a child anymore… Taehyung pulled the cup back towards him, looking down at his feet awkwardly.

“I-I’ll take it!” Taeri exclaimed quickly, and snatched the cup.

The ferocity quickly drained out of her, as she held the takeaway cup with confused reverence.

Taehyung could practically see the confusion knitted into her features.

Guilt churned within his chest. His sister may have been 24 but he could only see the little girl that followed him around like a baby duckling. There was a time he would have died for her.

“I um…” Taehyung started, clearing his throat. “wanted to thank you. For… for taking care of Jimin the other night.”

Taeri looked surprised. “Oh that. Um. No problem. I’d do anything for Mimi oppa.”

That was nice to know. Also Mimi. Cute.

Perhaps, taking advantage of the first open dialogue they had in six years, Taeri continued, “Mimi oppa… he's like an angel, a fairy, an actual model. How’d you manage to lock him down?”

Taehyung couldn't help the smile that tugged the corner of his mouth. There was a time when Taeri’s approval of his significant other would have been paramount. He didn't need it any longer, but it was nice to have regardless.

In answer to her question, he replied, “He signed a contract.”

Taeri barked out a surprised laugh, obviously not expecting Taehyung to make jokes. And he wasn't. Jimin did sign a contract!

But she didn't have to know that.

A silence settled upon them. Taehyung broke it.

“I also…” His voice trailed off. “Um I… Taeri I.” Her name sounded alien on his tongue. “I know that you probably think that the reason I stopped talking to you was because you told mom about my game that caused me to get kicked out.”

He watched as her face grew small. Her chin tucking into her neck, like it used to when she was a little girl getting scolded.

“That isn’t entirely true.”

Her head shot up to look at him, her almond eyes round with shock and confusion.

“You see, I uh. I thought my hyungs were the ones who told mom. My hyungs didn't want me to take a gap year to release my game either. They wanted me to finish school first. That's why I thought it was them. Mom encouraged this train of thought when she confronted me. I was so angry, I set the bridges to them on fire. And then, when mom thought I learnt my lesson and tried to bring me home, I refused. And she was so angry. So… so she twisted the knife. Told me it was you. There was no one I loved more than you and my hyungs. She wanted me to hurt, perhaps like she was hurting? I don't know. She wanted to ensure that I didn't have anyone anymore.”

Her eyes were wide as she processed what Taehyung was saying. Her hand around the cup was so tight, it dented.

“She wanted to ensure that I knew I had lost my friends for no reason. And that you were to blame for that. That’s why I was angry. No home, no friends, no family.”

“O-Oppa..” Taeri whispered brokenly, a fat tear gathering in her lower lashes.

Taehyung ached to reach out and wipe that tear away before it fell, hating that even after so long, he was still responsible for them.

“It was only when I was talking to Jiminie that I realised how misplaced it all was. Jiminie said that the rift caused between his sister and him were his parents. He said it was too late for him, but not for me. I don't know why he thought that, he sees me like nobody else… and he's always right. It would be so annoying if he was a jerk about it, but he's not.”

Okay stop rambling, get back on the road.

“I realised then that the Taehyung of then would have forgiven you anything, Ri. Anything. You were my baby sister. It was always us against them. Even with me in UK for university and you at boarding school. All the pressure, all the expectations. It was always us against them. Then why couldn't I let this anger within me, this betrayal go?”

Taehyung’s eyes dropped down to his shoes, unable to bear how close his sister was to crying.

Gaze now focused on his polished Louboutins, he continued, “If I had given it a thought I would have figured it out ages ago. But it was too painful to think about that time. It was easier to just build a wall and live safely behind it. If I didn't let anyone in. I wouldn't get hurt again. But in doing so… I locked the pain, bitterness, anger in with me. So it just lived with me, there, but silent.”

He sighed, “and then when I spoke to Jiminie after that dinner, I realised why the anger, pain and bitterness was still with me. Why it didn't leave when I blocked all of you out.”

Taehyung was quickly running out of bandwidth here. This past week had been such a rollercoaster of emotional confrontations. He needed to just say his peace and go. His sister had been too generous with her time and attention already, more than he deserved.

“It's because it wasn’t you that I was mad at. It was never you, Taeri. It was me. It was always… me. I was hot headed and reckless. I didn't stop to think. I had been holding so much within me that when the match was struck, everything went up in flames. I could have contained the fire if I just paused. But I didn't. I didn't. I didn't.”

His eyes started to water, and he blinked away the tears. He was a grown man who absolutely was not about to start crying in front of his baby sister that he was speaking to properly after almost 7 years.

“I missed six birthdays, your highschool, University and business school graduations, your first boyfriend, your first heartbreak… so many big milestones. You deserved a big brother and instead you got a big coward. I… I am very sorry, Taeri. I can't begin to make it up to you. I don't even know if you'd ever want me to try. But I love you very much. And I'm very proud of the woman you've grown into… despite everything. That's all I wanted to say.”

He took a step back, let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

And then just as he was about to turn around, Taeri reacted, lurching forward, arms going around him like when she was a little afc begging for piggy back rides. “Don’t go again... don’t leave, oppa. Please, n-no.”

And then she started to cry. Taehyung’s arms came around his baby sister, her small frame wracking with sobs she had been holding. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered into her hair, holding her back tightly.

“I'm so sorry too” she sobbed into his chest. “I was so scared that you were going to leave. I didn't want you to go. So I told mom. I never should have done that. I never should have. I fucked up so badly. I hurt you. I am so sorry, oppa, I am so sorry.”

Taehyung shushed her softly, gently soothing away her apologies.

They had been pawns. Used to further initiatives set by their parents. Jimin was right. He didn't have to play anymore.

The road ahead was so wrought with craziness. There was so much more to apologize for, to make amends for, to try and rebuild. But Jimin was right, again. It wasn't too late.

Taeri wiped her running nose against his coat, and Taehyung bit back a laugh.

It wasn't too late. Wasn't that the only thing that mattered?

Notes:
Hehehe I wasn't planning to update today but I hope you liked it regardless 💜

I will be back on Saturday with a longer update and VMIN GOING TO BUSAN WOOO ~ xx