𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. duan jiaxu au !SLOW UPDATES

six. found my diary and...

— six. found my diary and...

[ 09.21.2018 ]

The second I got home, I ran up to my bedroom and started to look around. Everything looked the same just like back in my reality. All except for the polaroid and photo booth pictures on one side of my wall. I took a quick look at them and noticed a couple of familiar faces while the others I wasn't so sure about. I even saw a polaroid picture of me and the Sang siblings but we all looked a couple of years younger.

"Looks like we grew up together," I whispered to myself as my eyes moved to another polaroid picture with two names written on it, "Wen Lian and Wen Yi-" My eyes widened when I realized who the second name belonged to, "Hold up- I'm friends with Sang Yan's future girlfriend?!"

But I picked on the polaroid and noticed that Wen Yifan's face was covered by a permanent marker. "What the... Did I do this?"

I'm guessing we are not friends... anymore.

I then sighed while putting the polaroid picture back on the wall. I took a step back and wondered if the me in this reality also owns a diary. So I looked in every drawer, under my pillows and bed, inside my closet and every bag and backpack in the bedroom. But nothing. I found nothing.

Okay, so let's say I don't own a physical diary... Would I have written it digitally?

I found my phone on my bedside table and took it. It was fully charged, thankfully, and I looked through the notes app and even the gdocs app. But again I found nothing. I sighed in frustration until my eyes wandered off at the ipad on my desk.

I wonder...

I walked over after placing my phone down on my bed and picked the ipad up. The first thing I saw after the screen lock opened with just my face was a diary app. I raised a brow and whispered, "Huh, I see. So the me here is tech-savvy."

I tapped on the app and the first entry that popped up was an entry from two days ago. I started from the beginning and read it out loud. The more I did, the more I was surprised with this reality and myself.

September 19, 2018

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I last wrote an entry here. A lot has happened while I was away. Been busy with training and avoiding her. I feel bad for what happened but it wasn't my fault, right? That he likes me? Even though I don't like him back, I shouldn't have made her believe that I did. But she said so herself that she had moved on from him. This is honestly stressing me out. I want to tell her that I don't like him at all. That he's just a childhood friend of mine who is like a brother from the neighborhood. But I can't now. They both graduated, leaving me to keep another secret I wished I never began with. But I have to now.

I'm tired. I haven't slept in days. I miss my parents. I miss my old life when everything wasn't messed up. I wish I was living a life where my parents were still in contact with me and Jun-ge. I love Nana, but life isn't the same without my parents around. I appreciate the effort she puts into taking care of me and my older brother these past few years. But why me? Why us? Why couldn't the divorce happen to another couple? I know it sounds selfish of me but this wasn't the life I expected.

If there was another me then I want her life. Even if it's just for a day or a week. I want to live a life where I'm happy and loved by everyone. Where I have one best friend who'll be there for me. Where my brother gets to live his dreams. Where Nana doesn't have to work all the time. Where my parents still care about me. Where I don't have to be tangled in someone else's love life. Where I can do whatever I want. Where things are easier to handle-