๋࣭ ࣪ ˖❇ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⊹ ࣪ ˖
Sugawara's condition only seemed to get worse. Until one night the manager heard from the group chat. He was emitted to the hospital.
For the rest of the summer, members of the team would drop by the beach house. Staying for a night, or for a week. It seemed someone was always there.
It's what he would've wanted, the team said. Sending pictures of them drinking on the sand and hanging out in the ocean.
The manager found herself leaving the group chat.
She never went back to the house.
She wanted Sugawara out of her life, so it wouldn't hurt if anything happened to him. If you assumed the worst, and expected the worst, nothing could touch you.
But there she was, on her way to the hospital. The last one out of the team to visit.
A tinge of regret ran up her spine as she stared at the outside of the building. Because she was visiting, or because she hadn't visited sooner, she couldn't tell.
The feeling dwindled into nothing as she opened the doors, the cold sterile air making her shiver in the summer clothes she had come in. Her footsteps on the shiny floor echoed in the empty halls and in her brain. She hadn't a single thought in her head. They had seemed to die out with the cicadas.
Her arms felt heavy, but her feet were oddly light with each step. She was outside of his room, hand hesitating on the doorknob. With a sharp inhale she pushed it open.
Sugawara was lying in the hospital bed, a flimsy white sheet reached up to his waist. When he heard the door open he immediately sat up, turning to face his visitor.
He looked like Sugawara. Just a little sicker.
At the sight of her the boys eyes took on that familiar gleam they used to. "I'm glad you came." He said, visibly relaxing. "I was starting to think you were avoiding me."
"I've just been busy." She lied flatly, walking closer to him and sitting on the bed beside him. The hospital room was the exact opposite of the beach house he was so used to. It was cold and silent, save for the continuous beeping of the machines attached to him. Fluorescent lights barely helped the dimness, and everything was perfectly clean. This was no home.
"It's fine." He spoke softly, but she could hear the strain in it. She kept her gaze on the floor, but could see as he continued to look at her. As if he saw right through her lie.
"How are you holding up? This isn't exactly your scene.." The girl meant it seriously but he started laughing. She met his gaze, caught off guard by the light sound, finding that once their eyes were connected it was nearly impossible to look away.
She didn't want to ask it. She didn't want to care. But her mouth opened anyway. "You'll be okay, right?"
She regretted it the minute he stopped laughing. His face was still bright, but in an unnatural way. Like the overhead florescent lights. For once it didn't reach his always shining eyes. He stared at her for minute, as if savouring the way her eyes held him in her gaze. Finally his facade crumpled and he faltered in defeat, turning to look out the window near his bed.
"The doctors say I have pancreatic cancer." He said it as if she had asked the weather.
Blood drained from the managers face. She couldn't think of what to say, all she could think of was that this was why she shouldn't have come here.
Don't get attached to lost causes. They drag you down with them.
"I'm sorry." She spoke, tone coming out as cold as the air in the sad little room the boy was in. She looked down at the floor. She didn't have anything else to say.
Sugawara turned to face her again, his eyes traced her every feature, lingering on her eyes before he smiled. A genuine, happy smile. The boy then turned around, back to his view of the outside. She peered outside of it, curious as to what he was looking at so intently.
You couldn't see much from the window, just a gray parking lot and some roads. It was dark out, street lights alluminating any brick buildings near by.
"I bet you guys are having fun at the beach house. Must be warm." He said, a deep longing in his voice. As if on cue his body shivered, but he made no attempt to pull up the sheet layed over his lap.
"I haven't been back since the Fourth of July." She watched the back of his head as it tilted.
"Why? It's not fun around here." He said quietly. The girl shifted, turning her head away from him. She looked at the door in his room, backs facing each other.
Because it feels like you. And I want to forget you.
She was glad when he spoke again, not giving her a chance to answer.
"Do you remember—" He spoke hopefully to the window, his voice sounding off the glass. The girl cut him off. Memories didn't do any good. Not for the sick and not for the healthy. All they did was make you sad.
"I have to go." She said, getting up suddenly. Sugawara whipped his head around, he seemed suddenly panicked.
"You'll be back, right?" The words sunk her chest. He said them in the same boyishly hopeful tone he had before.
"My schedule is pretty busy." The girl didn't bother to turn around. She had a feeling the look on his face would be devastating.
"The others look at me like I'm already gone." He spoke softly. Sugawara's voice was always soft.
"They only see what's happening to me. I'm tired of their pity. It makes me feel like I'm just here, waiting to go. You look at me like I'm still the same as I was before all of this. I can pretend with you, forget about everything bad for a bit."
He reached out, grasping her hand in his own. It was still warm.
"Please don't leave."
The girl wasn't sure she was still breathing as she took a few steps forward, Sugawara dropping his hand behind her.
"Get some sleep, Sugawara." She said indifferently. Pushing open the door as easily as she had when walking in.
She heard it close behind her. The feeling of his hazel eyes on her back fading the farther she got from his room.
The hospital felt different. It felt hopeless.
