The Don's Wife

54 | Change of Perspective

- Rosalind -

Ever since I can remember, my life has been revolving around Jameson Salvatore.

As a child, he's the boy I've dreamt of, fantasized about, whose name written on the pages of my diary, decorated with hearts coupled with my own.

The prince of my fairy tale.
The axis of my existence.

Everything I've done, everything I've learnt, is to prepare myself for the long-awaited happily ever after,– that being his wife.

But as time passed, reality upon reality made itself known, those sorts of beliefs gradually waned and overthrown by another.

'It is your duty as a woman in the family', she said.
'Your sole purpose.'
'The only way to contribute your use.'
'It is what your parents would've wanted.'
At least, that's what Dorothy has led me to believe.
And I bear that burden of responsibility with an open heart.

Although a hopeful part of me still secretly held onto those childish fantasy, it has been reduced to merely a fool's paradise of my creation, served as a means to help myself get past the darkest hours.

Past the beatings, the revilements, the empty stomach, isolations, and every stormy nights locked inside that hellish cupboard.

One day. I always told myself.
One day closer until he comes for you.
Whisks you away from this nightmare.

He will Rosie, he will.
You'll get your happily ever after.
Be certain of it.

So hold on.
Hold on.

I knew it was too good to be true.

Lucas had warned me about him. That the boy I used to admire and adore is no longer. 'An egomaniac, disagreeable womanizer' he called him. And being the good brother, he urged me to call off the wedding, told that I do not have to go through with the union if I do not wish it. Yet I persisted, all in the name of 'duty'.

I cannot say that I'm not the slightest bit enticed by the idea of love. Even though the prospect itself is nigh on impossible, given the circumstances of our marriage,– nothing but a distant dream that only the mind can achieve. But perhaps, it doesn't have to start with love. It could start from acceptance, compromises, friendship, and if I'm fortunate enough, love will follow.

Though I did not dare hope.
He did not let me hope.
Thankfully, I always leave room for disappointments.

However, it seems like I've underestimated this silly little crush of mine. As it turns out, old feelings die hard. What used to be duty evolved into something else over time. Not only did it dismantle my standpoint upon our marriage, it also sparked off hidden desires, open windows for vibrant, newborn emotions that I've never experienced before.

Inevitably, Jameson Salvatore has become my whole world. But now,– my world is on the brink of ruin.

Sitting with hands folded together tightly, eyes shut, flooded with wishful tears, I prayed to dear God,– to every god existing for that matter, any who's willing to spare upon this unfortunate sinner their mercy.