I will break you

Sixteen

Months have passed. After that day Hillary has never mentioned anything to do with Kaleb. Or escaping. I am currently sat on the cream coloured sofa, picking at the bits of my nails that have regrown. The sense of hope that I had of someone finding me has dissipated, I imagine that the search parties have come to a halt by now. I have accepted the fact that maybe this man will be my dad forever, and that I just need to accept that. I have been ungrateful in the past, but now I know that he has provided for me, and I should be grateful. I hear muffled footsteps coming down the stairs. I jumped to attention, we forgot to lay the table! All three of us run in, hastily slamming knives and forks onto the table, petrified of what's going to happen next. Kaleb stands behind his father, looking as terrified as I feel. My heart stutters in my chest as he sits down, glaring at all three of us like we were pieces of meat or something. “You forgot to lay the table.” He remarks softly. I feel my palms begin to moisten with sweat and I grasp the cotton fabric of my long pink skirt so tightly that I feel the fabric screaming in protest. “Sorry, Papa.” Beth says, sounding less scared than I am. “Sorry Dad.” I mumble, staring at my tearstained lap. “LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME!” Dad bellows, snapping my neck up with such force that I feel something twinge painfully. “Don't touch her.” Hillary says, her midnight black hair a curtain over her face. “I beg your pardon?” Dad says, staring at Hillary with a look of loathing. “Are you deaf? I said don't touch her you psycho!” Hillary replies, her voice stronger this time. Dad launches himself off his chair so forcefully that it slams into the wall behind him. He advances on Hillary and slams her into the wall, hard. Hillary doesn't yelp in pain, or make any effort to show that she's hurt, her deep blue eyes almost identical to mine and Beth's just stare into his testingly. He raises a fist and begins to pummel her in the face with every word. “DON'T. YOU. EVER. TELL. ME. WHAT. TO. DO.” I hear myself screaming, but I don't feel the noise leave my body. I feel myself sink to the floor in grief as I watch Hillary's motionless body flop to the floor. I feel Kaleb at my side, hugging me as I hyperventilate, my breath nonexistent, the world blurring around me. I am vaguely aware of Beth reacting similarly to me, except she is at Hillary's side. I can see Dad spinning around in disbelief, hands on his head, crying? I shake Kaleb off and head to the bathroom, throwing up and then passing out on the floor.

I wake up the next day, still on the bathroom floor. I slowly ease myself into a sitting position, my joints screaming in protest from a night on the uncomfortable floor. I strip all of my clothes off and turn the shower to the hottest setting, revelling in the burning droplets that bounce off my skin painfully. I step out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and head into Julia's room, plopping down on my mattress and not being able to do much else. I long for home more than anything, I long for home so much that it hurts to live.

After a while, Beth shuffles into the room, handing my towelled form a fresh pink skirt and white blouse. I pull my clothes on then turned to Beth, at a loss for words. “Hillary left a letter.” Beth begins, “I haven't read it yet, but I want to.” She pulls out a crisp white envelope from her waistband, and on the back, written in loopy handwriting is: To Jasmine and Elodie. “Your name is Elodie?” I ask, tears filling my eyes. “Yes.” Beth says, tears pouring down her face. “I almost forgot.” She sniffles, tracing her name with her finger. We open the letter to find it titled: My story. I begin to read it.

My name is Heather Tanning. I was born on the 4th August 1993. My mother is Darlene Tanning and my father is Gerald Tanning. My father died when I was young and so my mother married Frank Terrance when I was thirteen. Frank has a baby boy called Jack Terrance, though I bet he's not much of a baby anymore! I feel it is my duty to tell you two how I ended up here, as I believe that I was the start of Daniel’s little collection of girls. I am sorry that you have to read this Jasmine, Elodie.

8th January, 2008

I am scared. How could I be so stupid, stupid, stupid! I walk into the pharmacy and buy what I need, terrified about what the results will be. I get home and hide from my mum and step father, but of course Jack finds me. The little stomper always finds me in the end. I shoo him out and take out the pregnancy test, my hands trembling as I look at the results.

10th January, 2008

I want to tell my mum. She's right there. But I can't. She'd be ashamed. I run out of the room, silent sobs attacking my body.

24th March, 2008

I have to wear a coat, even in this glorious weather. I can't risk anyone knowing. I know I'll have to tell him at some point. Just not yet. I'm not ready.

31st July, 2008

I thought he'd be happy. Or at least supportive. Instead he tried locking me in a basement, but I ran away. I want to keep it, even if that means running far far away from here.

14th September, 2008

I tried running away, I did. But then I started having severe pains and the only place I could think to go was Daniel's. I'm locked in a basement. And he's stolen my baby boy.

4th August, 2024

I'm still here. Happy 31st birthday to me. A girl came today. Jasmine. I want to help her.

13th November, 2024

I'm probably going to die today. I welcome it. I will pass the diary on to Elodie and Jasmine. Goodbye, I guess.

Me and Beth look at each other, astounded. Then we burst into tears.