Caffeine Rush (Avengers Fanfic)

Chapter 29: What Happens at the After Party...

Each of the Avengers's drink choices were exactly what you would expect of each. Bruce stuck with his tea, Tony had a tequila sunrise garnished with an orange slice, Thor did straight Asgardian liquor, Steve and Sam each had a canned beer and Bucky a draft beer, both super soldier's drinks were cut with the Asgardian liquor so they actually felt something, Clint had a traditional cosmopolitan, Rhodey had a vodka cranberry, Vision abstained (not sure how that works really), and Auntie Wanda had the drink they serve at the Kentucky Derby, a mint julep. Loki managed to get himself a custom made Mischief Maker; honey mead, lime juice, apple sour, and vodka shaken and garnished with a lemon peel in a martini glass.

That was all well and good, I'd been a bartender before, I could make all that easy, ten seconds going light on the superspeed. Loki tripped me up when he asked for a custom drink, adding another three seconds to my time. But what really hung me up was when Natasha came up to my station and asked me to surprise her. I asked what kind of taste she was feeling, the strength of the liquor, and the consistency.

I pulled out a glass saucer cup and stirred two espresso shots with coffee liqueur, a splash of cream and vodka. Natasha didn't open her eyes to see what I had made her, that would ruin the surprise, I just nudged it into her hands and waited for her to take a sip, with favorable consequences. "Mm, I like it, what's it called?"

Reveal time. "A hot white Russian," I put out nonchalantly. Apparently more than one person was listening in on the conversation. Bucky and Sam each did spit takes, Sam coughing into his beer, having inhaled his drink rather than swallowing it.

"No, really, what's it called?" Bucky doubted as he dabbed his stubbled chin dry.

"A hot white Russian. I didn't invent it, look it up if you don't believe me." I waved them off, then realized that it was entirely possible that they thought I was flirting with Nat, and that needed to be cleared up. "I mean, Nat's beautiful and I have no objections to scissoring, but she isn't really my type."

"Scissor...? As a verb?" Steve started confused. Shit, I didn't realize more people were listening in.

Before anyone else could explain, Bucky took over, "those two ladies we took to the Stark Expo before the war? They were . . . scissoring. I know you heard the rumors about half the nursing staff, come on Steve, you know this."

After a moment, Steve suddenly startled, "that's what . . .? But . . . how? . . . Why would you give me that mental image!?"

Tony walked back in, having just gone to receive a call and questioned, "who did what to Cap? We all know how fragile he is, what is it? And who did it?"

I raised my hand like a child to be called on and when he finally pointed to me, I stood up and pronounced proudly in my most tattletale like tone, "Bucky explained scissoring to Cap and made the suggestion that me and Nat would . . . scissor." Every time I said the word scissor, I would make the scissoring motion with my fingers, the cutting motion, that is.

Tony's eyes widened, taking an entire moment to process that revelation. "I wish I was here to see that, the reaction, not the potential," he cleared his throat, "activities. No judgement, of course, we support all types of relationships. FRIDAY, can I get an instant replay of that?" Tony then started making jokes at Steve's expense after viewing the projected hologram. I witnessed Steve's face growing redder by the second and felt bad for the poor guy, too busy saving the world to experience the things in it.

After Tony had had his fun, he turned back to me with a sort of suggestive look in his eye, "so are you and Nat gonna . . . you know?"

"Nat's beautiful," I started, winking at the girl in question, "but I prefer subs, and something tells me she wouldn't be one."

Nat, playing along, put her arm around my waist and pulled my body closer to hers, "that's too bad, you're pretty good looking yourself. I think I'd have some competition though, I'm not the only one who likes your company."

Thor suggested, "we could all fight it out, whoever wins is worthy." I cringed at that word and I noticed Loki did also, what did that word even mean. Worthy of what? To whom? Did it even matter?

I could have sworn I heard a distinctly feline growl before Loki's distinct aura shrouded me from behind. "There will be no fighting, Mrs. Sharpe is a capable and highly intelligent woman, she determines who is worthy of her presence and no other shall attempt to do so on her behalf." I could have melted at those words, there was nothing more enticing than a godly prince of a higher realm ensuring that a multiversal speedster has her own agency and who respects it in himself. A true prince among men, and gods, I suppose.

Except, they were all worthy. Every single one of them, from the Spiderling I'd only seen on the news to Captain Marvel that dished out the tea on Fury to the man I was closest to, literally and figuratively, to the best friend father figure I thought I'd lost for good. Perhaps not in the way this conversation had started out with though, I had my sights set on one particular kitty and I wasn't letting him get away. But in regards to basically all other type of relationships, platonic and familial alike, I could think of no one more worthy than those I already had. "Avengers! I choose you!" I made the pose for throwing out a poke-ball and got a bunch of weird looks. Admittedly, that had probably come out of left field for them, it was one of those rather uncommon moments where such a thing would have been perfectly normal in my universe but wasn't quite the same here. Were references to popular media not referenced in casual conversation here? That was me trying to figure out where the line was to narrow down what the difference is. "What? Do you not have Catch 'Em All here? With the trainers and the little beasties they catch in pocket sized balls to carry around?" That sounded exactly like the kind of thing one would say if they were on drugs. Oh boy.

It was Sam that finally caught on, but not in the way I would have expected. "You must mean the animated show, Team Rocket, right? My nephews love that show, the two protagonists use their lab to evolve their beasts and take out the corrupt trainer and his evil lightning rabbit." Was he on drugs too? What kind of—evil lightning rabbit! How dare he call that ball of electric fluff evil?

"Team Rocket is the good guys!? What kind of backwards universe is this!?" I cried into Loki's chest, suddenly feeling like the world was falling apart. Now I knew what rule was so different about this universe in comparison to mine; all the entertainment media was in the point of view of the villain in my universe. How I had not noticed in three years of living here I didn't know, but now that I had my eyes revealed to it, I would never unsee it.

And that was last I remember of what happened that night. There was more, I'm sure I cried my eyes out into a bottle of Asgardian spiked wine, I just don't remember it happening. Thank goodness for the small mercies in multiversal life.