My Light- Embry Call's Story (fanfic)

Chapter 3~Emily

Trigger warning: anxiety, depression, mention of suicidal thoughts

Finally, the plane landed and I received my bags. Luckily, my flight was short enough to get to Seattle before too late to see anyone when I finally arrived in La Push. As I came outside the airport I saw him. Boy did the last nine months treat him well. Embry's face lit into his sweet smile and his arms engulfed me in a huge hug. I was shocked since he was never alone to pick me up, and this sudden hug without the awkward shuffling beforehand was new. He grew a lot but next to my 5 feet 5 inches, it seemed so much more. He also looked less like a scrawny kid and more like an adult. He turned 18 in February and graduated this year with Quil and Jake. I was unable to get to experience the party, however Quil drunk texted me the whole night about it. Let's say that I almost booked a flight that night just to kill him for it too.

"Hi"
"Hi" okay we're back to awkward. Embry took my bags without further words and loaded them into his trunk.
"New car?" I asked. "Nah, Jake's latest project. He thought Seattle would be the perfect test drive since the weather has less of a chance of getting bad this late into the year." Wow seems like Jake and Billy were putting their plan into motion early. I wouldn't have even thought of this one, and I am usually the coniving one. We must watch too many movies because I can see how this will go.

True to my thoughts the car broke down right when we passed the La Push territory line. As the sun set Embry looped his arm through mine and we started to walk to Billy's. It was about two miles and we had time. The arm thing was something we have done since we were kids. Conversations come naturally after the award hellos. We caught up on the ride here and now we are discussing our plans for the summer.

"So big bonfire and all, then Quil claims he will finally teach you to surf. I won't let him dunk you though. Mostly because I'll have to hold you back from killing him and I swear you see red and become the hulk. (This made me erupt in giggles.) Jake is arguing with Billy about what to get you to bake first. The whole rez is planning on ordering something from the bakery just to get your cakes again. Oh and mom said hello and to keep me out of trouble this summer for once." At that comment I stopped and inquired about her and him. He was having a rough patch with her over his father. "I mean you want to know your parents right? Speaking of why haven't I met them?"

And there it was. I've been trying to avoid this for years. "Embry, you know my adopted family travels and I am still not wanting to ask about my birth family. You know I think if you want to know your dad then your mom should tell you. It is why we are best friends." We went over this conversation a million times before, but it seems that his mom won't give in and tell him the truth about his dad. To me it seems like the truth either is so ugly like my own parent's truth that it would kill him, or that it is someone close to him or even far away. Possibly.. his mom doesn't know?
I remember the first summer I came to stay at Billy's. It was the age Embry learned from kindergarten that he didn't know his dad after seeing the other dads for special parties. There was a project where he had to draw his family tree and he could only complete half. It seems that broke him the most to this day that he never had the opportunity to know the other half of his heritage. When he met me and realized I never knew my birth parents, we stuck together, glued from the emotional trauma we battled internally. We became each other's best friend because ultimately that was the beginning of our commonalities.

Everything else fell in line. It was as if fate brought us together to help us both survive life. Embry was always there even when I wasn't in La Push. A text or call away, constant check ins for my depression and anxiety, making sure I remember to eat and sleep or not over sleep. He took that on, much to my guilt, as he stated he felt like he knew how I felt because he felt those emotions too. He claimed he wanted to be there for me because I was for him, but if you have anxiety you feel the guilt that is not always the truth, but your brain lying to you. There is so much more Embry has done. We agree that only each other seem to understand our emotions and thoughts about life. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for him.

I might not be alive if it wasn't for him. The depression can turn my days very dark. It seems like not waking up tomorrow is a better option. He felt the same. Together we scream Twenty One Pilots "Stay alive, stay alive for me". One day we said we would get matching tattoos. For five year old kids, these emotions were foreign and hard to handle based on our parents. As teenagers, it became unbearable. He kept me alive.

Beyond the major crush I had on him, the hardest part of the friend zone is knowing that one question of the truth of one's feelings for another could destroy the 13 summers they have spent in an instant. Was it worth losing him just to claim him romantically? The feelings I have been harboring were more than romance. It was as if he drew me in with every breath because honestly I could only breathe air near him. When he isn't here, I hold my breath and fake it until he shows up again. One side tells me that can't be healthy, the other says there is a reason for all these things in my life that I am not aware of yet. I'm not a quitter, even until that brings the death of me literally or metaphorically. I want to know the reason I am tortured by this feeling. I want to know if Embry feels the same more than I want to know what this all is. If he feels it too, I wouldn't care what emotion I am drowning in, as long as he holds my hand through it like he has since we were five.

I know it sounds like I am crazy and some mental head case. I think fate brings you people who light the path for who you are. Being adopted brings a lot of questions of purpose and meaning, but he picked up every piece willingly with a smile. Always holding his hand out to grab mine or wrap me in a hug. No one else understood our moments, but we did. I would be having a mini anxiety attack inside but outside I was calm. He knew, he always knew and came running to calm me. I don't understand how or why, but fate put him here for more than a school girl crush. I am afraid to lose him, but I know I'll never be happy just being a friend. Apparently La Push knows it too..