Lover | (Ningselle)

And I guess that she's alright if perfection is what you like

A year has passed since the first time I ever step foot in America.

I've gone back multiple times. Aeri would take me out to tour around the city every time I come over, we would rent a car so that we can drive around the neighboring states, and we've even dined at a lot of popular social places.

Aeri has gone back home a few times too. The first time she came home, I didn't even know about it. All I remember was someone knocking on our door one day and when I went to get it, I nearly suffered a cardiac arrest because I wasn't expecting someone to immediately trapped me in a bear hug.

Still, it was nice. It felt nice that the first thing Aeri did upon arriving back home was to see me, given the fact that she asked the cab driver to drop her off at my house, all her luggage in tow.

For some reason, and as delusional as this may sound, it felt like she was coming home to me. And it was a thought I found some sort of comfort in, that despite the fact that we've lived apart this long physically, Aeri still choose to come see me first.

Not her family, not her other friends, but me.

It's a thought and a feeling I relish in.

It must been my 4th time in America now, and I've given up I'm trying to surprise Aeri because some way and somehow, she finds out about it before I land in NYC.

"I'd tell you to not pick me up at the airport, but we both know that you couldn't resist me," I told her while on FaceTime, walking to my gate that would take me to her in a few hours.

"Of course," she laughed. "We'll have dinner together when you get here." I absentmindedly nodded at her as she said one other thing I didn't quite catch because the connection was pretty bad at the airport.

"Thank you, I'll see you in a bit," I said as I waved goodbye to her on the call. I watched as she waved back to me as well, a smile on her face I couldn't help but think suited her so perfectly well.

The past year has been a lot easier. I've gotten somewhat used to not having Aeri around me physically because she makes up for it with her constant call and messages, which are things that have become highlight of my days. I feel like a lovesick puppy, waiting on my phone every evening to tell Aeri about my day: what made me happy, what frustrates me, and sometimes, my plans for the weekend.

She always listen instantly to my stories,something I appreciated even if I knew that all I ever did was to drone on and on. She would laugh when she think something is funny, she would give me her opinion when I ask for it, and she would allow me to just talk as much as I want even if there have been time she has been late to work because she just couldn't find it in her heart to tell me to stop.

I've had to set an alarm for myself and her on our calls so that she would stop being late to work.

Like what I said, the past year has been easier. I've gotten used to the physical distance, but it doesn't lessen the ache in my heart every time we have to part again.

And those are things that I've been able to manage, there has only been one other thing that has been weighing me down: the fact that even after all this time, I have not told Aeri that I was in love with her.

Each time I came to America, I come with the determination that this time will be when I tell Aeri I love her. It could be while sitting across each other at a fancy restaurant selling overpriced pasta, it could even be when sitting next to each other in her living room floor while watching another trashy reality show.

To be honest, at this point, it doesn't even matter where anymore. Because you could put us in the best place in the world or even the worst, and still, the words I've been dying to let out all these years would still be swallowed back down, never seeing the light of the day.