Sunny Moore Times Four

Inner Peace

Dear Diary,

I normally try to stay really, really positive, but it's scary after what happened to Uncle Carlo. This past week, my head has really been spinning. I want to be focused on finishing my first trimester because stress is bad for the babies, but I feel like I'm constantly reminded that I'm unsafe. My bedroom window faces the street, and I can see Ella's car down at the corner. I don't know when she's sleeping. She must be really tired.

I have a day off of work today, so I'm just going to get out of the house and clear my head. I'm sure after a nice walk and some ice cream, I'll be good as new!

~Sunny :)

I put on a maternity sundress and walked downstairs. Grammy was taking a nap in her chair. I thought about waking her up to see if she needed anything from the store, but I'd be getting her favorite candy even if she said no. How could I not?

I walked out into the driveway, got into my car, and put on some of my favorite musical tunes before pulling out into the street. Ella followed me. I drove about five minutes away to a place called Our Lady of Angels: my family's church.

I parked and quietly walked into the front door, then off to the side where there was a table with candles. I put a few dollars in the donation box and lit one for Uncle Carlo. We didn't light candles for our loved ones who passed away at my new church, but it felt like the right thing to do for Uncle Carlo, when he was turning away from his life of crime.

Once I was done lighting the candle, I opened the door and went into the chapel, sitting down in one of the back pews. I hadn't been here in six months. It was really nice to be back. It felt nostalgic. I felt a sense of inner peace.

Our Lady of Angels had a grand chapel which was adorned with ornate stained glass windows. The altar was adorned with all different kinds of flowers. The giant crucifix was hung behind it. The pews had all the hymn books in them still, along with the stool that unfolded for you to kneel on.

My new church didn't have pews or stained glass windows. It had padded seats and regular windows. I never told Leo, but sometimes, from my perspective, it felt like I was in a living room, not a church. I knew it meant so, so much to Leo, and I'd never want to tell him something insulting, so I just kept that part to myself.

I thought I heard a door open, but I just took time to shut my eyes and be at peace, even though at this point in my pregnancy, the pews were pretty uncomfortable. When I heard the footsteps getting closer, I opened my eyes and looked around. This place was so big, with so many entrances and exits.

"Mind if I join you?"

I turned around and saw a man coming towards me from the back left doorway.

"Father John! It's so nice to see you! It's been forever!" I said, smiling for the first time in days. "This is such a nice surprise!"

"I could say the same thing," he said, taking a seat in the pew next to me. "It's been a while. Your grandma told me you're expecting...a lot."

"Quadruplets!" I said, holding my baby bump.

I knew most teenagers would hold their heads in shame if they had to tell a priest they were an unwed, teen mom, but there was no way I'd ever be ashamed of my babies. They deserved to be just as loved and celebrated as any other baby coming into this world.

"How are you liking your new church?" Father John asked.

I shrugged. "It's okay. It makes Leo really happy that I go there. But it's just...not the same. Everything's different. The people are really nice and we do lots of fun camps and events for the kids. I'm trying to be a good sport for Leo because it's super important to him, but I feel like I'd be happier back here. And it's not like I can tell Leo to come here, because it's his dad's church that he's been at since he was a baby."

"Well Sunny, I don't know much about young people, since I'm an old guy, or romantic relationships, because I'm a priest, but sometimes in life we just have to be a good sport, because we really care about someone. Even though it's hard. But know that you and Leo are always welcome here. Maybe he can come to a compromise, like coming here one week out of the month?"

"Yeah. I'll see," I said, knowing that would be a hard battle to fight with Leo. "I actually need to get going. I have some errands to run. But it was great seeing you. I hope I see you again soon."

"Of course. Say hello to your family for me. And remember one important thing..."

"What's that?"

"God will always love you, no matter what branch of Christianity you're in or what church you go to. Just remember to pray and follow your heart."

"I will. Thanks. See you around!" I said, waving as I walked out the door.

Before going to the store, I was going for a short walk at the Oak Falls Nature Preserve. I definitely wasn't walking the perimeter of the small island, but I was game for a short walk on the paved beginner trail. It was so...peaceful. And then I saw Ella walking about a hundred yards behind me.

When am I going to be safe again? I hope someday things can go back to normal.