Always/Never

Chapter 19 / Future Watching the Past

"The universe hates me," I said, staring at Accha's phone.

Charging it had done nothing to fix the problem, so Rory stole it for the robot. Although the cardboard contraption was slower, she switched immediately.

The robot clambered from one end of the room to the other. When it hit my ankle, it lifted its arms outward and chirred. Apparently, Michaela would show up soon, so Rory sorted through her closet, launching potential outfits on top of the bed. And on top of me, mostly.

"Sure." She shrugged, pushing away a fluffy brown sweater I was mildly certain I hadn't ever worn. Why did I bother bringing that to campus? Was I thinking I'd have some change of heart about it? "Let's go with that. It's not the worst suggestion you've made yet."

"Thank you."

Annoyance bubbled within me. But I wondered whether I still meant it. I'd gotten lucky: a second chance at my past.

Maybe the universe didn't hate anyone. Especially not me.

"Uh-huh." Spinning around, she lifted a striped purple, long-sleeved shirt. "Is this too much?"

"Depends on where she's taking you."

Rory sighed but allowed me to hand her the clothes on the bed. While I did so, I pulled out my Dalford shirt; the one with the sunflower printed in the corner like a logo.

I hesitated, unfolding its wrinkled fabric and putting it on. Faded blue, it brought back the memory of buying it, long before I learned the sunflower field existed, when it was nothing more than a symbol, like how the colours of a flag represented health or love.

"I don't know. She wouldn't say. I told her we could do whatever she wants to do." She spun around, her skirt billowing around the crosshatch-patterned leggings underneath. Even the robot beeped in approval.

It looked good.

Was that weird? I thought I looked nice all the time. Was it different now that it was another me? Whatever. She rocked it. End of.

"It's a surprise."

"Well, it's a surprise to her, too, since that usually means she hasn't decided yet."

My lips tugged into a smile. I couldn't remember either what she'd decided, not that it mattered. She could take me on the trails around campus, as she had done before, and it would be so carefree. The last time we'd hung out there, in autumn, the cold blustered and the leaves tumbled in whirlwinds. She'd worn a pink hat to match my purple one, bringing some seeds to fill the birdhouses. We were there until it had gotten dark.

Rory went to change into her sweater. Moments after she came back, a knock on the door signalled Michaela's arrival. To my surprise, she nodded once to me as she whisked Rory away.

"Have you ever been to the sunflower field in town?" Michaela asked before the door shut.

I ran a hand through my hair. Stupid universe.

What have I done...

Standing up, I stumbled out into the hallway. The scent of strawberry soap and disinfectant spray floated through residence. I went to follow them, but my heartbeat roared in my chest.

This is my doing. All of it. If I kept meddling, it would keep happening, but there was no way to know how my future would change.

From across the track field, I spotted Cal and sprinted out to catch them.

"Hey, Rory," they said as I approached. "How are your midterms going? They should be finished soon, right?"

I hadn't even asked Rory. She hadn't mentioned it, of course. "Oh, yeah." Inwardly, I wished I had brought it up, but her laidback attitude was proof enough that she didn't care. I couldn't have had this conversation without Cal's experience. Accha hadn't said it, but she didn't have to—I spent my time doing nothing, working on the inventions, as if I was on a four-year-long vacation. "I wrote mine for biophysics, actually. It wasn't terrible. Not as bad as I was expecting. What about you?"