Buddie one shots

124 days

Trigger warning! Sh, suicide attempt, drug use

NOT CANNON

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Buck

It's been 124 days since I've been back at work. I didn't want to file that stupid lawsuit. I had to for Athena's case. I just wish I could tell the others that. That would require them to talk to me though.

Hen and chimney try and talk to me but Bobby just gives them a glare and they stop. Bobby only yells at me and barks orders at me when he is talking to me. And Eddie. Well Eddie doesn't talk to me at all.

Eddie not talking to me hurts the most. I mean why is he so hurt? I've tried to talk to him. I call him everyday. And text him to check up on him and Christopher.

Christopher.

I haven't seen him since the tsunami. He probably think I abandoned him. No. Eddie wouldn't let him think that. Right?

I put the blade back in the container. I wash the blood off of my legs. Wash the tears off my face and get ready for work.

Every day since I've been back at work I've cut once. 124 cuts on each thigh. One for every day I let them down. I knew i shouldn't have agreed to doing the law suit. But Athena was so close and she was about to catch him.

I don't even remember what for. No the only thing I think about or remember these days is breakfast with Maddie and Athena, the team is hurt because of me, and how much my legs sting.

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I walk into the station and even before I can get changed Bobby's already yelling at me. "You're late, Buckley!"

"Sorry cap" I'm not even late I'm 30 minutes early.

"I want you to clean the bathrooms for being late and do the dishes" he yells at me as the bell ring and everyone goes to get in the trucks. Everyone but me.

I can't go out on calls. Not yet. Captains orders.

At least I won't have to change in the bathroom today. I change in there when they are here. I don't want them to see my scars. They'll probably just call me pathetic.

As I'm grabbing cleaning stuff from the closet Athena walks in. "Hey buck! Where is everyone?"

"They went out on a call. I was late so Bobby's making me clean instead." I tell her as I move every thing to the bathroom as she follows.

"But doesn't you shift start in 5 minutes?" She asks propping the door open so the chemicals can escape when I'm cleaning.

"Bobby wanted me to come in early. But I slept in late and the traffic was bad." I hate lying the Athena. I just don't want to get Bobby in trouble.
But it's Athena so she know I'm lying.

"Don't lie to me Buckley. Why aren't you out there with your team?" I can't help the bark of a laugh that comes out at the word team. Yeah I don't think we're a team.

"I wouldn't call them that." I say as I move from cleaning the mirrors to the floor. "What do you mean?"

"I. It's doesn't matter. Why are you here?" I ask as I avoid her eyes. I know she's staring at me. And I know if I look at her I'll crack. I can't get Bobby in trouble. Or the team.

"Buck don't deflect. Are they miss treating you?" She asks as I finish the floors and pick every thing up to put back.

"Nope not at all." I don't know why I try to lie.