I put my clothes back on and she took a vial of blood work, and then administered the shots. Alarms were ringing in my brain. This was it! There was no going back now. I was doing this.
She explained that my penis wouldn't function well, because of the shots, and I would lose my ability to become erect and my ejaculations would be less, and eventually, nothing at all.
After the appointment, the receptionist gave me the bill and said I had 30 days to pay it. I nodded and thanked her and left. There was a part of me, a large part that was giddy with excitement. This was the biggest change I had ever made in my life, and I was going to see it through. I looked down at my crotch and said goodbye to my penis and welcomed my clitty. It seemed silly, talking to myself, but it was an affirmation to me.
Next, I drove to do my work and see Jessica. Like the day before, I took my measurements, emailed them to my boss, and knocked on Jessica's door. She opened it and I went inside and sat down, waiting for my next lesson.
She said "Vicky, I'm not feeling 100% today, so today will be only instructions. I am going to teach you to use your female voice." She spent the next two hours explaining and helping me practice sounding like a woman. I expected it to be using a high pitch, but instead, it was all sorts of techniques like phrasing, word formation, dynamic pitch range." She was kind today, but still stern. I was an attentive student. She told me to practice all the time, and to stop using my male voice completely.
After I left her office I drove back to town, had some lunch, and found a salon and spa that Jessica recommended. I had a full manicure with fake nails and a pedicure. They styled my wig, fixing it to look more natural, and helped me with showing me some techniques for my makeup, like contouring, and how to apply eyeliner off the edge of the eye. When I was done, I looked in the mirror and I hardly recognized myself. I didn't look like me anymore. I guess I looked like Vicky, a woman.
Driving back home, I was excited to show Jeff how I looked, and tell him about the doctor. I wanted him to understand how serious I was. I pulled up and he wasn't home yet, so I went down to my apartment to sit and watch some TV and read a book. I surfed the internet for a bit, looking at sites for transgender and sexual transitioning, reading through articles and forums. I took a break to use the bathroom, sitting to pee, and I heard Jeff come down the stairs.
"Vicky, are you here?" He asked.
"Yes, I'm in the toilet" I replied, practicing my female voice.
"Oh, ok. Listen, about last night..." he started, "I was thinking a lot, and I wanted to let you know, I am leaving your clothes and the key to the cage on the table here. If you want to back out..." he was still talking as I walked out of the bathroom.
His mouth fell open and he went silent when he saw me.
"I don't need my clothes." I said flatly. "They aren't MY clothes. They belong to a Neil. As far as the key, it doesn't matter to me, aside from the weight of it. I don't think it works much as a penis anymore, it is just a limp clitty." I then told him about the doctor.
He was silent while I told him everything, including everything that had happened with Jessica. He was stoic the whole time, attentive and impassive. When I finished, he just sat there. I wanted him to say something. Anything. Was he upset? Angry? Happy?
Eventually, he said "I didn't intend... I started ... I wanted. I want." He took a deep breath and started again. "Are you doing all of this for me?"
I said "Yes. And No. I am doing it for you. But also, because I feel like you have unlocked something in me. Something I wanted and didn't know. I am happy like this. I want you. But even if we didn't work out, I still want this."
