So, I made myself a little game where I put various topics in a box and mix them up. Whenever I have trouble choosing a topic to write about, I draw a chit from that box and write about the topic I get. It clears my thoughts, and I can write without worrying about the topic anymore.
I did the same today, and today's topic is: Feeling Sorry for Yourself. I intend to write more deeply about this topic today. It's a kind of topic that many people (including me) feel, yet no one is fully aware of it.
I rarely feel sorry for myself, but that does not mean I don't feel it at all. I pity myself, but not often. Looking back at my life sometimes, I really feel sorry for myself. The first time I felt this way was when, instead of smiling widely like I used to, I gave a tight-lipped smile in a studio photo because my mom and the photographer asked me to. Now, whenever I look at that photo, I feel something dead in those eyes, as if the source of happiness vanished. It might sound stupid or unbelievable, but from that day, my smile became ugly to me, and I never saw the same happiness in my eyes in any of my photos since then.
Even now, I have 2000 photos in my gallery, but they are of my books, notes, and other things. There are only 10 photos of me, all forcibly clicked by my mom and my friend. In all of them, my smile never reaches my eyes, my lips are never wide with happiness, and my dislike for clicking pictures remains the same. If only I could have smiled widely that day, I wouldn't hate clicking pictures now. Even now, if I really want to show my full smile with teeth, I just can't do it, and I always end up with that small tight-lipped smile. I do regret it now, I really do, but the truth is: I can't go back to the past. All I have is my present because the future is too far away. I struggle with smiling and my confidence, yet I try hard to build them again. I believe that I'll reach there soon as long as I keep trying, but it will surely take time. In this long journey, I might feel sorry for myself many times, but as long as I try to improve, I think I'll do just fine...
So, my readers, have you ever felt sorry for yourself? What was it about?
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UNLEASHED
Não FicçãoA collection of short and few thoughts, I have written so far... The writings are actually based on the author's feelings from time to time...At the end of every chapter a question is present for all those who reads my chapters and I hope you would...
