Forever Yours

Chapter 2

I looked up at the sign of the main building before I entered the building. It looked like a house on the plantation from the 1800s. Long white pillars, a rounded driveway, lots of trees, and a balcony on the second level. I snorted in contempt. "This is where I'm going? They have a balcony for people to jump off of." Mama glared at me in the corner of her eye, but still stood straight as we walked to the porch. Professional as always.

We waited for the receptionist to unlock the door. As we entered the packed yet quiet room, which looked like a living room, the receptionist, Shelley, smiled and said, "Hi, welcome to CedarCreek. I apologize for the inconvenience of the locked door. We've had several patients try to run, so we must keep the doors locked for safety purposes. Here's a clipboard to sign in whichever of you 3 is here to be evaluated."

All 6 couches and 13 chairs were taken. We walked into the hallway and sat on the loveseat. Needless to say, it was extremely crowded. I looked at the clock and watched the minutes tick by. Everything seemed to go by in a daze. I answered many questions for the paperwork Mama was filling out. Are you suicidal? Check. Do you ever feel out of place or that you don't belong? Check. Do you self-harm? Check. Do you feel trapped or caught? I didn't even understand that so I said check. Might as well right?

We turned in the paperwork. Shelley smiled and told us that we'd be seen after the next 3 people were evaluated. I watched the clock some more, watching the seconds, the minutes, the hours pass by. 

Tick. Tick. Tick.

4 hours had passed in what seemed like years. The bell tolled, signalling it was 8 pm, and my mother lost it. "We got here at 4 o'clock. You said my daughter would be seen after 3 people and 7 people have already came and left." The new receptionist, who came at 6, looked up at her and nodded. "Yes ma'am, let me just go check the folders so I can see what the hold up is." She walked briskly down the hallway and up the stairs. 

Wayne, my stepdad, put down his phone and looked at us. "Y'all hungry?" Mama nodded vigorously and my growling stomach answered for me. He got off the couch and stretched with a groan. "What do we want?" I thought for a moment and replied, "Taco Bell. I want Taco Bell." Wayne scrunched his nose and shook his head. "That's disgusting, but whatever. What about you, baby?" Mama agreed with me and he nodded. We gave him our orders and he waited at the door. 

The receptionist, who's name tag said Kella, came down the stairs and leisurely sat in her seat then proceeded to press the button to unlock the door. Mama walked over there and talked to her. Turned out that the doctors had kept pushing my folder back and that I was now behind 4 people. Kella promised to make sure it stayed in that order, and that I would be seen in due time. 

I stared blankly at the floor and thought about the doctors visits that led to this waiting room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She hugged me. "Babygirl, what's going on?" I shrugged my shoulders and tried to ignore the fact that I was really sick. She checked me out of school and we went to pick up my stepdad. The crisp March air bit my nose in the car while we drove. 

Mama turned down the radio and turned to me. " Talk to me Chrys. What's going on?" I looked out the window toward the oncoming city. "You wouldn't understand." She sighed and pulled over on the edge of the highway. I stared at her in confusion.

"Do you remember Jake? Our dalmatian?" she asked softly. I nodded, unsure of how this had anything to do with my illness. "When you were a small child, I laid in bed a lot. I heard things. No, I didn't hear weird stuff, just like a voice in the back of my mind. The voice kept telling me 'd be better off dead. That I should just waste myself. Rid the world of me. All I thought about was death. Jake started to freak me out because he knew what was wrong. He'd pull the covers so I'd go out of bed. He hovered, and he didn't do that normally."

She stared off vacantly as cars whizzed past us on the freeway. My brain processed all this new information. "Finally I realized I needed help. I got evaluated by a doctor and got admitted to New Oaks." She started the car again and pulled back out. We were on our way again to pick up Wayne.

We sat in silence for a few moments, me soaking it all in and her giving me time and space.

"I just feel so alone and out of place."I whispered. "I feel like I can't do anything right and I try so hard to be accepted and I'd give and do anything to be accepted but I'm not. No matter how hard I try, I'm not." By the end of my sentence I was sobbing and was just a wreck. 

Mama grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Honey, me and your stepdad and the rest of your family, we accept you." I rolled my eyes and sniffled. "Oh yeah, fat lot of good that does me when I'm in school walking the halls alone." I wiped my nose on my sweater and began to laugh. "You'd think that with all of the manners you taught me growing up, I'd know better than to do that." She giggled and agreed. 

About an hour later, we had picked up Wayne and arrived at Adapt, the clinic where I got my ADHD meds. The nurse was very polite and told us that because of our new insurance, we couldn't do anything thru them. She looked at me worriedly and turned to type on the computer. When she turned back to us, she grabbed a pen and paper and began writing.

"What I'm writing down for you is the address of a hospital. CedarCreek. If they see this letter you wrote, you'll most likely be admitted. This is a hospital for people who are going thru the shame stuff as you." I nodded as Mama grabbed the paper. "Thank you I murmured.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Finally, at 11 pm, they called me to be evaluated. I sat on a couch across from an older man, with a balding head and low rimmed glasses. "In the past 24 hours, have you been a threat to yourself or others? Such as self harm, suicidal ideations or attempts, drug use, homicidal thoughts, etc." I nodded and opened my mouth meekly.

"Last night, I took 18 Aspirin and cut my arms from wrist to elbow." The man looked up at me and then glanced at my arm, as if not believing me. "Excuse me for a moment," he said softly. Me and my parents looked at each other and began to worry. What had gone wrong? The man came back in after a moment.

"I'm sorry, but because you have overdosed, I had to call the hospital. They'll be here in about half an hour. They have to get the drugs out of your system before you can go thru the evaluation process." Then Baldy walked out, leaving us floored.