The things we never had

chapter 3

As the plane touched down at JFK, a mixture of excitement and dread flooded my senses. My body felt heavy, like it was made of lead, and every bump on the runway seemed to echo the fear thudding in my chest. I hadn't slept at all during the flight; my mind raced with thoughts, each more terrifying than the last. We were really in New York. But the reality that unfolded before me was more overwhelming than I had anticipated.

Disembarking from the plane felt surreal. I followed the crowd of passengers, but it felt like I was in a bubble, separated from the world. My heart pounded in my ears as we made our way through the terminal, and my stomach twisted into knots. I couldn't shake the creeping anxiety that clawed at my mind. What if our new family was just another set of abusers disguised as saviors? Each hug I saw, each tear of joy felt like a reminder of the love I'd once known but had been ripped away from me. I wished I could drown out those memories—fists striking, shouts ringing through the night—but they lingered, stubborn and vivid.

Natalie walked beside me, her presence a steadying force against the turmoil in my mind. "Stick close to me," she urged, but I could barely meet her eyes. I felt like a ghost, drifting through this new reality while the past haunted me. "Do you think they'll be nice?" I whispered to Will, who was also lost in thought. His response was cautious, a reflection of our shared fears. "I hope so. But we don't really know them." My chest tightened further at his words. What if they weren't nice? What if this was another trap?

As we finally reached the arrival area, the bright lights and bustling crowd felt suffocating. I scanned the faces, each one a stranger, and my pulse quickened. The familiar, throbbing anxiety returned, and I clutched my backpack tightly, willing myself to be brave. What if they didn't want us? What if they resented us for the years lost? I felt like an outsider, unwanted and unworthy.

I was jolted from my spiraling thoughts when Natalie pointed towards a large group of people I saw what would be my mom and what would be will's step mum, Charlotte, rushing forward. She looked overjoyed, tears glistening in her eyes as she wrapped Will in an embrace. But as she turned to me, her joy transformed into concern. I felt her arms wrap around me, a flood of warmth that made me want to pull away. "I'm your mom, but you can call me Char until you're comfortable," she said, her voice quaking with emotion. I wanted to believe her, wanted to let the warmth seep into my bones, but a lingering doubt twisted in my stomach.

When she pulled back, I could see her sadness, and I felt a pang of guilt. I was already making her feel bad. I wished I could just be normal, to absorb this love without flinching. My brothers stood back, expressions mixed with joy and uncertainty, and I could see the lines of worry etched across their faces. Would they be kind to us, or would they lash out like those who had hurt us before?

A man I recognised as  Alex from flies we were shown which felt more then a little over 12 hours ago but already felt like weeks. "Hi , He introduced himself, I'm Alex we all are very glad to have you back." And moved to hug me instead of flinching back like I half expected myself do I found myself melting into it just appreciating a father s love for the first time. 

"I'm Nicole" I smiled feeling the need to introduce ourselves since that's what we were doing I guess.

No one moved or talked. 

"Sorry about that," Natalie interjected, sensing the tension in the air. "Both of them lived under false identities. Sophia was Nicole, and Atlas was Will." I could feel their eyes on me, scrutinizing. What did they think of me? Would they blame me for the years of pain? My heart raced as Christian, the oldest brother, stepped forward.

"I'm Christian, and I'm 23," he introduced himself, but I struggled to focus. The room spun slightly, and the familiar feeling of detachment washed over me. His smile was warm but in a way fake, but all I could think about was how fragile this moment felt.