The Starting Line (Reupload)

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   "Are you cheating on me with Izzie Stevens?"

The question hung in the air for a few minutes. Alex sat up slowly, but the couple remained silent, neither wanting to speak first.

Finally, Alex cleared his throat and looked down at his hands, clenching his jaw.

"We never-" he started but quickly stopped. He closed his eyes and groaned, angry at himself for not knowing how to talk about it.

He knew this would happen, but he thought it would be a little longer until it happened. Or maybe she thought he would be the one to bring it up, the guilt was too much for him and he had to tell her. But that didn't happen.

Of course, Alex felt guilty. He felt horrible, hating the idea of ​​hurting Eleanora. But he didn't feel guilty about his feelings, only about how he knew they were wrong. And that was the problem.

He loved Eleanora Amedeo, but he didn't love her enough to feel guilty for what he did. Just to feel guilty he hurt her.

"We never slept together." He finally continued, without looking at her. "We never slept together, we never kissed, I don't..."

Eleanora looked at him, walking over to the bed to sit next to him slowly. "You didn't cheat on me?" Her voice was shaky and Alex nodded. He looked at her and saw the hope in her eyes, the hope that they could make it work, and still be happy like they used to be. His voice was harsh but not cruel, knowing that he had to make her understand.

"But I wanted to."

"I'm Alex. I'm with Jeremy. You're with the Nazi, right?"

"Y-yes, I'm with Dr. Bailey."

____

   Eleanora sat on the edge of the bed, trying to keep as much space between her and Alex as possible. She was trembling and she could feel the anguish fill her veins.

"So, is it something I did?" She asked finally, her voice breaking. "Was I not good enough?"

Alex shook his head and turned to her; his voice confident. "No, no. Eleanora, you're perfect, okay? You're the perfect girlfriend. You didn't do anything wrong; it was all me."

"Then why!" She screamed, finally looking at him. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she grabbed the fabric of his scrub top to where her knuckles were white. "Why did you want to?"

Alex was silent again, letting his eyes dance across her face. "I don't..." he sighed, concentrating on his hands as he turned forward. "I really don't know."

"You can let me down now, you know?"

"What, and let you crash into a brick wall half asleep? No thanks, I don't need that on my conscience. What's so funny?"

"Nothing. You're just trying to act bad, but at least you seem to care if I break my nose running into a wall."

"It's a pretty face, darling, and I don't want to be blamed for ruining it."

____

"Do you love her? Izzie, I mean."

Alex shrugged, not looking at her. "I don't know."

Eleanora stirred and looked at him with bewildered eyes. "Then why Izzie?"

"I don't think it had to be Izzie. I just think... I think I felt trapped like I couldn't go anywhere in the relationship. I mean, I'm happy with you, but we're getting serious. I don't think I'm ready. For 'serious'."