Primal (Saturday Updates)

Chapter 5 - Part 2

"This was not how we were supposed to start," Maverick said, he ran a hand through his hair and I felt my heart flutter at the sight of him but I resisted the feeling. It was unwanted. I didn't want any of this.

I bet nothing that had happened was how he expected it to unfold. Being mated to a rogue was probably not what he expected. It felt like one long confusing disaster from the moment I locked eyes with him to now. But nothing could dampen how I felt about him or the fact that I couldn't leave. It didn't matter if it made sense or not. None of that mattered.

How on earth could I feel so conflicted? I wanted him more than I could admit to myself and yet I was fuming that some girl had come into his room first thing in the morning. A girl he seemed to hold a place in his life that went beyond temporary. It made me feel all sorts of jealousy which made no sense. I barely knew him. How could I feel this way? Nothing about my current situation made much sense.

Maybe it was the fact that none of the guys I had slept with had ever been more than a one night stand, they had all been temporary. Nobody had been permanent in my life. It was the reason I was a loner and only had myself to depend on. There had been no one to care.

I crossed my arms. "We? There is no we."

His features hardened. "This is not something you get a choice in Victoria."

I hated it that he was right.

My stubbornness kicked into high gear. I wasn't going to pushed into something I wasn't ready for. I fought against what I felt.

"You can't tell me how to feel." I raised my chin and glared at him, determined to use my will to resist it as much as I could. "I don't want any of this. Do you understand? This is crazy. If I told this to anyone they would lock me up and throw away the key."

My chest rose and fell with each angry breath. "I want to leave and forget every moment I spent in the god forsaken place. It feels like its been one long nightmare."

I curled my hands into fists, holding onto the anger that allowed me to fight against the attraction that I felt toward him and any feelings that were starting to develop. I released a shaky breath, hating how vulnerable I was feeling.

"It's a lot to take in," he soothed but I bristled.

"And don't get me started on what just happened." I tightened my fists, fighting to control the temper that had got me into trouble more times than I could count.

"Calm down Victoria," he instructed.

"No. I won't. I'm angry." And I was beyond scared that despite all the reasons to leave I was still standing there fighting with him. "I'm not some girl you can walk all over Maverick. I won't be that girl."

His gaze held mine with an intensity that made me catch my breath. "I don't want that girl. I want you."

My anger began to dissipate but I refused to just give in. "I don't want this Maverick."

The little girl in me who had fought so hard to be able to control her life was fighting against the lack of control I felt around him.

He moved closer and I refused to back down, lifting my gaze to lock with his.

I swallowed when I realized the point he was trying to make. To have him close distracted me and it was difficult to hold onto the anger when all I wanted to do was touch him.

He was so close, his chest only inches from mine. His head bent over mine. I darted my gaze from his to rest on the mouth I had been kissing before we had been interrupted so rudely by the jealous blonde girl. Whatever her name was.

"You can say what you want but we both know the truth Victoria."

His confidence was annoying. It only took a look back his crumpled bedding to know what they had been doing only moments before. Before a jealous girlfriend had stormed in.

"You know what was happening in that bed before Amy interrupted. And you know what would have happened if she hadn't shown up."

I hated how right it was, there was no way I was going to admit it.

"Really?" I gave a dismissive one arm shrug. "Who knows? Maybe I was testing to see if there was anything there."

He frowned. I was baiting him and I wanted to see if he would bite. It was something I did when I felt cornered, I pushed until they eventually backed off. Would this work with him?

"Maybe I've had better."

His stance straightened, his shoulders tensed as his hands fisted at his sides. His eyes darkened. "Don't push me Victoria."

I could make him feel the same jealousy I was struggling with.

"So it's fine that you had some girl play the jealous girlfriend but I'm supposed to be a blushing untouched virgin." I dramatically fluttered my eyelashes at him.

I watched the effect my words had on him. His jaw twitched, his features strained while his blazing eyes held mine. I could feel the power come off him in waves.

"I need you to stop Victoria, or I won't be responsible for my actions," he bit out. His eyes were fierce and I wanted to reach out and soothe him but it was a foreign feeling I wasn't sure how to handle.

I had never taken someone else's feelings into account. My own had been the only thing that had ever concerned me.

Did I want him to lose control? Did I want to see what knowing I had been with others would do it him? I struggled with the choice. Watching to see his reaction play out in front of me but being conflicted with the guilt of being the cause of it. It was a tug of war inside of me.

"How am I supposed to feel about Amy?" I asked, softly. It was undeniable that I was hurt. "How would you feel if the roles had been reversed?" My anger flared. "She came in here like she belonged."

It made my chest raw.

His mouth twisted but he didn't answer because he knew how unfair it was to expect something of me that I couldn't expect of him.

"Anyone other than you was only ever going to be temporary. She knew that before anything happened. As a werewolf she knows there is no competing with a mate."

And there was that word again. Mate. My feelings were mixed.

"It's okay for me to wonder how girls you've been with but I'm supposed to feel guilty if you have to think the same about me?"

There was a strained silence.

"Have you slept with her?" I found myself asking the question, already pretty sure I knew the answer to it.

But I wanted to hear him admit it, no matter how much it would hurt.

Maybe there was some warped logic that I could make myself hate him, instead of whatever I was feeling for him right in that moment. For goodness sake, I had kissed him while he had slept. It was mortifying to think of how quickly he had gone from enemy to something I could not walk away from.

"Why ask that?"

I frowned, not happy he was delving deeper into my reasons behind forcing the issue.

"Did it feel like I wanted someone else when I kissed you Victoria?"

His kiss had moved my world but I was stubborn.

"I want to know."

"You know the answer to that. You don't need me to say it."

My chest felt hollow and raw. It hurt.

Even though I knew the answer it still hurt like a physical blow. But instead of curling up and dealing with the hurt, I lashed out. I wanted to cause him the same hurt I was experiencing.

"I'm no virgin Maverick."

Once the words were out, I watched his features strain. I wanting to see the pain I was experiencing reflected in his eyes.

His jaw twitched and I held my breath watching in fascination at his physical reaction to my statement. I wanted him to hurt like I was.