The pain of the past (Five Hargreeves X Y/N)

Chapter 3: fights and forgiveness

"I survived on scraps. Canned food, cockroaches... anything I could find" five chuckled, but it was a sad one. Like he only did it because if he didn't laugh he'd be crying. "You know that rumor that Twinkies have an endless shelf life? Well it's total bullshit."

I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

"I couldn't even imagine.." Vanya said, I agreed. It made me look at life a new way, see how lucky I was...

"You do whatever it takes to survive, or you die."

My eyes stung,I looked down. But he didn't die, I told myself. He's right here in front of me.

"So we adapted. Whatever the world threw at us, we found a way to overcome it"

I paused. "We?" I asked without looking up.

He sighed. "You got anything stronger?" He asked, looking towards Vanya.

Vanya came back and gave him a shot of something alcoholic. She offered some to me and I shook my head. I didn't like drinking, it required you to give up so much control of yourself. So I don't very often.

He met Vanyas eyes. "You think I'm crazy." He commented.

"No. It's just..." she stammered.

"It's a lot to take in." I finished for her.

"Exactly what don't you understand?" Five asked annoyed.

"Why didn't you just time travel back?" Vanya asked.

I dropped my head into my forehead. Even I knew that was a stupid question.

Five scoffs. "Gee wish I'd thought of that." He said sarcastically. "Time travel is a crapshoot. I went into the ice and never acorn-ed."

It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about, then I remembered dad's comment before five left. If I wasn't angry, i might've laughed.

"Why'd you leave in the first place?" I asked, finally looking up and meeting his eyes. "I told you not to go. Vanya told you not to go, even dad told you not to go. But that wasn't enough for you. You left us. You left me."

"Y/n-" he started but I cut him off.

"I spent so long wondering if you'd ever be back. Wondering if I'd ever get to see my best friend again. Wondering why you would leave me, and why I wasn't enough for you. You were everything to me, Five. Then you just... left."

"I thought I was ready ok?! I thought I was ready and wasn't. And I spent every day regretting that choice. I spent everyday wondering if I'd ever see my family again!" He snapped at me.

I resisted the urge to step back. I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes.

"You think I didn't try everything I could to get back to my family? To get back to you?"

I looked at him. I could see the hurt in his eyes, the pain and betrayal and trauma. I'm sure they were a mirror of mine.

"Guys can we please not fight..." Vanya said, snapping me out of my head. "I have another question. If you grew old in the apocalypse how come you still look like a kid?"

I tuned them out, feeling anger boil up inside me. I couldn't believe him. How could he leave? And then say all of that? But then the fire was extinguished by a wave of sadness and hurt. I felt bad for him. I felt bad for me, and for Vanya too. I was sad and angry and hurt and confused.

Distantly I heard their voices. Five scoffs. "I told you already. I must have gotten the equations wrong."

"I mean, dad used to say that... time travel could mess up your mind. Maybe that's what's happening..." Vanya said.