Pei Du had once naively believed that as long as he secured the throne, he could marry the one he loved and protect those he cared for.
But even with a second chance at life, there were many things he was powerless to change.
For instance, watching Song Yan Yu still marry Xiao Yan, and witnessing Zhuang Qing being pierced by an arrow.He had been so close to saving her. If only he had been a step faster, he could have held her in his arms and shielded her from that arrow.
But there were no "ifs" in life.
When he saw the fireworks, he rushed to the scene as fast as he could, only to find Song Yan Yu.
"Your Majesty, please go save the Empress. She... she gave this to me and went to divert the former dynasty's remnants herself."
Her voice was soft, but each word thundered in his ears.
He remembered that she had said she came to save Song Yan Yu.
And she had done exactly that, even at the cost of her own life.
That day, he had pointed his sword at her, seeing her as the same treacherous and cowardly Jiang Luo Yu from the previous life.
From that day on, the light in her eyes when she looked at him was gone.
In fact, replacing the empress was not difficult for him, but that day he did not agree to the divorce and compromised on the matters she asked for.
He should have realized long ago that it was not as the emperor, but out of Pei Du's personal desire that he wanted to keep her by his side.
Married since their youth and having been together for many years, he eventually fell in love.
But she no longer loved him.
She refused to tell him her real name or birthdate.
She felt it was unnecessary, yet she told him she would fulfill her duties as Jiang Luo Yu and as empress.
But she never smiled at him again. She evaded all his questions.
The day Jiang Huai Zhi told him that she was the one who had saved him from the snow mountains, she denied it outright.
She denied it without hesitation.
He panicked.
If she had admitted it openly, Pei Du might have thought it was a lie.
But she avoided talking about the incident entirely.
Pei Du went to ask Song Yan Yu, wanting to know why he had ended up with her sachet.
It turned out they had exchanged sachets...
It turned out that he was the despicable one...
In the days that followed, Pei Du tried everything to make amends, but she remained distant.
He naively believed that with time, she would eventually accept him again.
Until he saw her, covered in blood, collapse in his arms, her blood gushing out.
It turned out that even the most powerful man in the world was completely powerless in the face of death.
She asked if Song Yan Yu was safe, even though she herself was on the brink of death.
"And what about you?" Pei Du asked her, watching her eyes slowly close, unable to wake her no matter how much he called.
The imperial physicians said she was too weak, having lost too much blood, and there was no saving her.
If she had been healthier, there might have been a chance.
Her frail body was a result of saving him from the snow mountains and being harmed by the infertility medicine he had the imperial physicians prescribe.
The one who killed her, was Pei Du himself.
Song Yan Yu said that her name was Zhuang Qing.
When Pei Du wanted to bury her under the name Zhuang Qing, Jiang Huai Zhi stormed into the palace, pointing a sword at him just as he had done to her.
Jiang Huai Zhi cursed him, regretting ever having married her to him.
But Jiang Huai Zhi didn't kill Pei Du. Instead, he resigned and took her body, burying her under the Bodhi tree at a temple on the outskirts of the city.
Jiang Huai Zhi said it was her last wish, and Pei Du agreed.
But Jiang Huai Zhi didn't know that years later, there would be no remains of Pei Du in the imperial mausoleum, for he had ordered himself to be buried beside her.
Wherever she wanted to go, he naturally had to follow.
On countless nights after Zhuang Qing's passing, Pei Du spent his nights in Palace Fengxi.
During the day, when he had free time, he would also go there, closing his eyes and imagining her every movement in this place.
The calls for selecting new consorts from the court grew louder, but Pei Du paid them no heed.
Zhuang Qing preferred peace and quiet, and he didn't want anyone to disturb her sanctuary.
Everyone in the palace knew that nothing in Palace Fengxi could be moved lightly, and when the emperor was there, he preferred solitude and was not to be disturbed.
It was in the fifth year after the former empress's death that the palace guards heard the emperor weeping loudly. Shocked and fearful, no one dared to enter and inquire.
Only Pei Du knew the reason. It turned out that inside the dustiest book on the shelf in the Palace Fengxi was a piece of bright red thin paper. Written on it were Pei Du's birthdate and another unfamiliar one, with the annotation: 【Difficult to resolve.】
However, the annotation had been crossed out and replaced with a familiar handwriting of 【Auspicious】.
Upon closer inspection, one could still discern the anger of the person who wrote these two characters at that time.
Once, she had loved him deeply, defying all odds and ignoring fate, but she was gone now.
In his dying moments, Pei Du longed for another chance at life. If he had another chance, he would have asked for her name the first time they met. He would have sought to marry her sooner, and he would have devoted everything to loving her...
But heaven did not grant him another life. Instead, it sent him to Zhuang Qing's world as a mere ghost.
But rather than calling it the mercy of heaven, it would be more accurate to call it its cruelty.
Pei Du watched as Zhuang Qing refused to read anything about him after leaving.
She smiled and cried while reading about Song Yan Yu and Xiao Yan, but when it came to his part, she closed the book.
She said that everything about him no longer mattered to her.
Each word stabbed into Pei Du's chest like a blade. Though a soul should feel no pain, Pei Du felt a searing agony that took his breath away.
But he had no right to ask why; he knew all the reasons. His sins were unforgivable, and he had no grounds to protest.
And so, Pei Du watched as Zhuang Qing began a new life without him. She lived happily and met someone who genuinely cared for her.
They trusted each other, resolved their occasional disputes quickly, and never deceived one another.
Zhuang Qing was very happy, but the person who shared her happiness was no longer him.
In the end, it was he who severed their bond and pushed her away.
When Zhuang Qing and her new partner entered the halls of marriage, Pei Du finally closed his eyes forever.
"I don't want to see anymore," Pei Du said to the heavens, tears streaming from his eyes. "Please ensure she is always happy."
(The End of Extra)
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After the Affectionate Second Male Lead Reincarnated
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